Closing Out a Year of Change

Today is the last day of another year. As many others are writing their wrap-ups, I hope mine isn't another one just cluttering up your feed.

2013 was truly a year of change for me.

New travels and adventures
New job
New boyfriend
New apartment
New roommate
New friends
New community group
New church

Like I said, LOTS of changes. You know how Facebook does that year in review thing? They perfectly captured all of my 'news.' I love going back and looking at that to see everything that happened this year. Some of the posts bring on great memories and smiles, while others bring a heavy heart and sadness.

I'm not going to harp on the bad for too long, because after six months, I no longer see them as being so bad. My life was wrecked by two events within one month back in early summer. My trip to Haiti opened my eyes to how different life is outside of the United States. To how blessed I am and also how much I take for granted. In the process of being wrecked from what I saw and experienced, I also became friends with some wonderful Haitians and with the people in my group. Social media has allowed me to keep in contact with them and I am so thankful for that. On this trip I also got to spend time with a wonderful family I have heard so much about and looked up to my whole life (the Dorrell's). I really connected with one of them in particular and wanted to learn all about his experience living in Haiti, learning Creole and working with the Haitians. Seth had previously given up his blessed life in America and moved to Ferrier with his wife and daughter. Unfortunately he had to return home because he was diagnosed with cancer. Seth was in remission while we were in Haiti and was always keeping people on their toes and making us laugh. I had so many questions for him and enjoyed talking with him.

Almost three weeks after we returned to the United States, the Lord called Seth home. The combination of the absolute poverty I experienced and Seth's death made me incredibly sad and question a lot. Why would God take someone from the earth who was doing so much good for Him? He was so young and had a family. Why was there so much suffering, death and poverty in the world and it seems hardly anyone cares?  Even now there are days when I get sad and angry, but then I realize I'm being selfish. Only a week ago I stopped questioning God and being angry. This wreck and bad thing was turning into a blessing. While I still have so many questions I wish I could ask Seth, I know that he's no longer suffering. He isn't sick anymore and his body is healed. Also, the work he started in Ferrier can continue through me. I look forward to going back to Ferrier in 2014. There will probably be a little bit of sadness as I remember this year's trip, but also pure joy because I will be back in the country I love SO MUCH!

2013 was full of change, but a very good year. My heart was opened up and changed. My passion and compassion for the poor is even stronger and I look for new ways to serve "the least of these" every day. My life is less about me and more world and Christ-centered. I can only account this to my first new thing in 2013 and look forward to making that adventure a yearly one. I look forward to growing my new friendships, joining my new church and getting more involved, making awesome memories with my roommate and continuing the relationship with my amazing boyfriend while looking to the future. If you had told me last January what this year would hold, I probably wouldn't have believed you. I'm excited about the experiences and memories I will make in 2014!!!

Happy New Year!!

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Are you reading a hole-y Gospel?

I am a big reader and love any book about missions or religion. My boss has taken notice of my passion for these genres and recommended a book titled "The Hole in Our Gospel: What Does God Expect from Us?"

Last night while reading, a certain chapter rocked my world. The title of my blog is also my favorite Bible verse (Matthew 25:40) and this chapter covered the entire 25th chapter as well as Isaiah 58, which is my second favorite section of the Bible. I marveled at the fact that an entire chapter of this book was about these two chapters. It's like it was written for me.

To start the chapter, the author began with a question: Are you willing to be open to God's will for your life?

Are we really, myself included, willing to be open to what God wants? Are we willing to let Him rock us to the core and take us to places we never thought we'd go?

This led me to ask myself that question. What does God expect of me? And what exactly is His will for my life? These questions are answered in Isaiah 58 and Matthew 25 as well as the verse below.

                "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

              To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

  Micah 6:8

Many unbelievers think that Christianity is very legalistic and there are too many rules. In Isaiah 58, God points out that the people of Israel were following these rules and seemed to be eager for God, but in fact they were angry with God. God is not satisfied with rituals and rules when the hearts of the people are corrupt. So what truly pleases God?

                                    Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

                 to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,

  to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

            Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him,

                        and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

v. 6-7

The true Gospel, what God really wants, is for us to be a people and society who stands for justice, fairness and love for the poor. So many times I have seen people go out of their way to go around a homeless person or others turn their cheek to a mentally disabled person. God's desire for his people to be full of compassion continues in Matthew 25.

In verses 31-46, Christ separates people on the judgment day into two groups: sheep and goats. What is interesting is that the groups are not separated based on their belief in Christ, but in how the sheep acted in open and loving ways toward the hungry, poor, sick, vulnerable and imprisoned. The people otherwise known as "the least of these."

This is a passage we can easily cut from our Bibles and is rarely preached in church (the hole-y Gospel). Why? Because it makes us uncomfortable. We think homeless people are dirty and smelly or the poor and hungry are just lazy. But guess what? Christ's biggest concern was for the poor!

The author, Richard E. Stearns, paraphrased these verses for modern times:

 

        "For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

That paraphrase gave me chills. It makes the verses seem more personal, more real. How many times have I been that person who turns away? God has given me so much, but I don't share like I should.

Daily I struggle with how much God has given me. Yes, I only work part-time, but I am surviving. I don't go without food, I have shelter over my head and clothes to cover my body. I also have "luxuries" that millions across the globe don't have, like clean water to drink and brush my teeth with and a toilet.

If God is calling us to live this way-to live like Christ-then why aren't more churches preaching this? Why aren't more Christians getting involved with social justice and helping the poor at times other than Thanksgiving and Christmas?

We are being taught a hole-y Gospel. One that has over 2,000 verses about serving the poor and "least of these" cut out. In the Old and New Testament, there is proof of God's concern for the poor and marginalized. Throughout the Bible, we see that our proof of being a Christian is whether or not we care for those in need. And Matthew 25:40 is Christ proclaiming that when we care for those in need, we are actually caring for Christ.

That is the whole gospel.

My challenge to you is to ask yourself daily, "what can I do to serve and obey Christ?" and "I want to be open to Your will, not mine." You'd be surprised at the opportunities to love and serve that will arise when you become open to Him. I've been surprised at the encounters and opportunities I've had.


"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

URGENT NEED

Have you ever told yourself, "I'm only one person. How can I make a difference?" or "How will my voice ever be heard?" I told myself that TODAY. Silly, silly, silly. How else do revolutions start?!? One person has an amazing (or terrible) idea and others jump on board. Today I was forwarded an email that absolutely crushed my heart and made me want to spring into action.

But I'm only one person, right?

But....I know at least 100 people. And each of those people know another 100 or so people. And those people know another 100 and so on. Eventually this could be national news and that one person DOES, in fact, have a voice that can be heard!

Now on to this email....

Some of my family members attend First Baptist Maypearl, a church that supports a missionary named Jacques who lives and works in Haiti. He sent an urgent email to his supporters on Sunday expressing his concern for his safety, the safety of the children at his orphanage, the Bible school and sewing school ministries he runs. As some of you may or may not know, Haiti is an extremely corrupt country and has been for quite some time. The government has been fairly quiet since most of the aid from the earthquake left the country, or so I thought.

According to Jacques, counterfeit land title people, lawyers and thugs supposedly sent by the government are coming to his town demanding a ransom for their land or else they will be forcibly evacuated. Jacques has authentic titles showing his ownership of the land, but the these people don't care! They have made multiple threats saying if he doesn't pay them, then he and the children will be evicted. Jacques has reached out to the Haitian president's family and they have offered no help and actually expect him to negotiate with the thugs.

These thugs have already demolished part of the land and construction that Jacques has purchased to continue building onto the ministries. They have told Jacques they will be back later this week to kick everyone out of the orphanage unless Jacques complies with their demands. Jacques said he felt like he was bothering others by asking for help in this trying time, but my heart can't fathom what would happen to him and these children if they are evicted.

According to a report released last week, Haiti ranks second in the amount of slaves per population. SECOND!!  Most of these slaves are children. My heart breaks at the thought of almost 100 orphans being evicted from the orphanage Jacques runs. I don't want to think about this possibility, but....

So, what can we do? This corruption started with one man named "Papa Doc" many, many years ago. If one person can cause all this evil and somehow gain supporters, then one person can gain more supporters to bring an end to this evil and protect Jacques, the orphans and his city.

First, let's cover Jacques and the orphans under his care with prayers. This has got to be the darkest hour of the life the Lord has called him to.

Second: Post this to your Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Send this information to your prayer partners, friends and family. Talk about it with anyone you can.

Third: Write or call someone who has power to put pressure on the government. Know a city, state or national official? Call them and please share their information in the comments.

This needs to be national news!! How can a "democratic" government do this to its people? I personally love this country and all of its problems, but this is scary and ridiculous. It's time for us to use our voice to put an end to violence, slavery and corruption!!

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless..." Isaiah 1:17


"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?"

Isaiah 58:6

August was CRAZY!

Warning: This post is about to get REALLY REAL!

On August 2nd I went to a Chinese food restaurant and got a fortune that read, "New and rewarding opportunities will soon develop for you." Little did I know that the month of August would change my life and be a roller coaster ride, full of lots of peaks and valleys.

August 1: Chris and I are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. This man is a wonderful blessing in my life. I couldn't ask for a more Godly man to take on life with. He treats me like a queen, makes me laugh and he LOVES Jesus! What more could I ask for? He was also there for me when I fell into my first valley.

August 8: I suddenly lost my job at Bosworth Steel. Although I had been praying for a new job for months, I wanted to have another job before leaving this one, but I guess God had other plans. I was too comfortable there and He slammed that door in my face. My family and Chris were calm and actually laughed when I shared the news that I lost my job. Chris came over to my house that night armed with his Bible. He came in, didn't say a word or touch me, walked over to my bed and read Scripture to me. The Lord has such bigger plans for my life and I was letting too many things get in the way of pursuing what He wanted. Now I had the opportunity to focus on what He wanted, not my comfortable "American dream." For the first few days, I was actually pretty calm as I leaned on my family, friends and dug into the Word. Then I got scared, angry and started to question. What was I supposed to do about my bills? Why would God leave me with no income? What was I supposed to do now? After college, it took me over a year to find a job and during that time I fell into depression. It didn't take long for me to start slipping back into that. There were days where I was happy and could easily hide my inner emotions, and other days where I wanted to stay in my room, be in my pj's, cried and didn't want to do anything. Thankfully two of my best friends, Kate and Cynthia, knew about this and checked on me frequently. Thank you ladies! I love you both SO much!! Your encouragement during this month has helped keep me sane. :)

During the days when everyone else was working or in class, I'll be honest, I struggled with my emotions. Not only was I upset about not having a job, but I was also questioning my future. Then I got this in the mail:

My heart absolutely longs to be in Haiti. I miss my friends there. I miss the hot Haitian sun, the pesky red dirt, and the refreshing afternoon showers. I miss Jeniflo. And sweet Bidjins. And there are so many questions I want to ask Seth, but can't. What better reminder could I ask for than for God to send me this charm on the day when I was questioning the most? I had recently started online classes for my teaching certificate and was also teaching myself Creole. Was this why I lost my job? Was it because I was losing focus on my calling?

August 10-11: One of the things that makes me happiest is serving Waco and I had the chance to provide food to over 300 people with Feed America and the Austin Food Bank. Afterward, I went to the Baylor campus, laid on my favorite swing and meditated in Hebrews. It was so nice just to listen to the stillness of an empty campus and hear only the bells from Pat Neff and squirrels running through the grass. I also had the chance to relax at Chris's farm, shoot guns and watch movies in the country. I hardly had any phone reception there and it was great!

August 16-18: Chris had minor surgery on the 16th. It was minor, but that still doesn't keep me from worrying. Over the weekend I was his nurse and couldn't leave him alone, per doctors order.  To keep me from getting upset or nervous, he cracked jokes and made faces. Everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about. After coming off from the drugs, this sweet man surprised me. My former apartment said I still owed the final utility bill and I did not have the money to pay for it. Chris lied to me and paid the bill while I stepped outside to supposedly get his phone out of the car. Sneaky, but such a blessing! This weekend was a blessing and also sometimes hard. We went through something in the first weeks of our relationship that many couples don't go through until much later. Over 48 straight hours together, you get to know A LOT about someone haha

August 19: My best friend, Kate, moved to New Jersey. We have been friends since rooming together my sophomore year at Baylor. I love this girl so much and her friendship has been such a blessing. We have so many memories together at Baylor, Wendy's, dancing, Trojan's, girl's nights, Chuy's and the list goes on. I'm going to miss hanging out with her in Dallas, but am so happy for the new chapter she's beginning in New Jersey.

August 28: A day after my interview, I was offered a job at First Baptist Dallas. Over the past few months, I felt the desire to get into the ministry and feel this is the perfect way to get my foot in the door. I'm so excited to see how God uses me in this new role! I prayed that I would have a job by September 1 and can't think of a better place to work and start this new phase in my professional life.

August 29: I received an email in the early morning asking me to meet at Watermark Church at 1 for a meeting. A few weeks earlier, I had signed up to write for The Porch, but never heard back from anyone. At this meeting I learned that someone had read my blog/writing and said I was gifted. Instead of writing for The Porch, I will be on a team of other people using their gifts and writing for Watermark!! Their ideas of how to reach people using a blog is brilliant and I can't wait to be a part of it.

Needless to say, the month of August has been rough on my emotions, heart and relationship with God. There were days where I seriously questioned Him and got angry. If you know me, you know I'm fiercely independent and it's hard to ask for help, even from the one person I need most. In the three weeks where I was unemployed, I had to learn to trust Him and know that He knows what's best for me and has a bigger and better plan than I could ever imagine on my own. It was also nice to see His handiwork when I went to California for a long weekend. Marveling at the beautiful waves as they crashed on the sand made me realize that if He crafted the oceans and every grain of sand, then He can easily mold and use me.

I'm so ready for August to be over and to start my new job and new life September 3. I'm continuing to seek God's plan for my life and anxiously wait to see what's in store for the rest of the year and 2014. As I said in a previous post, the plan is still for me to live in Haiti for a few weeks next year. I will also continue my teaching certification and pray for more opportunities for me to serve in Dallas and the U.S.

"Why do you do it?"

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question, I'd be a millionaire. "Why do you do it?" 'It' is referring to service, specifically at Dallas LIFE homeless shelter. The most recent time I was asked this question was Wednesday night.

As I sat on the couch with my head held low and cupped in my hands in frustration, the guy I've been dating asked the million-dollar question. "If you feel like this, then why do you do it?" I pushed my hair back, leaned up, looked into his eyes and gave him a small smile. "Because I love them and we need each other!"

'Them' is referring to the precious kids I've gotten to know during the month of July in the reading program. As much as I love them, they also drive me crazy at times! Haha One of these times was Wednesday night. For the first time since beginning to volunteer there in October 2012, I lost my cool. After being bitten, slapped on the arm and not listened to, I lined up every child and marched them down to the security office. Despite my frustration, my heart broke as they looked up at me with sad and confused eyes. All but three got in trouble and as I turned my back and left the office, I knew they'd see me differently.

But I love them! Jesus loves them! And we all need reprimanding and grace.

Walking out of Dallas LIFE that night was one of the hardest and most upsetting things I've had to do. I was mad, frustrated, hurt and sad, all at the same time. Is this how God feels when he reprimands us? We're His children and don't always listen to Him. We fight Him on a daily basis and ignore His words and advice, which leads us to trouble and consequences. When we are caught up in the trouble we brought on ourselves, we often question God and it has to break His heart. But he shows grace. Abounding, wonderful grace. He picks us up and comes back for us. No matter what we do, how much we fight or push back, He will never leave us.

I am in NO WAY comparing myself to God, but I am going to show just a sliver of the grace that He gives. The head of security was concerned I may not come back, but nothing these kids do will keep me from coming back to Dallas LIFE. Sure, I was frustrated and wanted to pull my hair out, but those kids have my heart. What I have with them far outweighs one bad night and I'm pretty sure I need them more than they need me.

So why do I do it? Making bean bag forts is fun. You're never too old to color, watch Disney movies or build with Lego's. Singing Beyonce songs at the top of your lungs in the library is more fun than reading (shhh!). Being in a room full of giggles and squeals makes my heart smile. Helping a child learn to read is a great reward. Hugs from little people are the best!

Because the same Jesus who died for my sins is the same Jesus who died for their sins and they need to know that. If I don't tell them, then who will? I can't imagine growing up in a homeless shelter and feeling sad and hopeless at times. My desire is to provide them an escape and to teach them about the love, grace and hope they have in Christ. THAT is why I do it!!

The Power of One

One is the loneliest number? But what if "one" could turn your world upside down and change your life?

One smile: It's a sweltering afternoon in Ferrier, Haiti and a small girl in a purple crushed velvet dress wanders into the guest house. Her hair is full of blue bows; part of her school uniform from earlier in the day. Her thin body wanders over to where our group is meeting and takes a seat on the bench next to me. I look over and she looks back up at me and gives the most beautiful smile. Her white teeth stand out against her dark skin as she shyly says hello. Jeniflo. Her smile melted my heart and from that moment on, she was my buddy for the remainder of the trip. I visited her during recess at school and afternoons were full of talking, learning Creole, singing and drawing on the front porch. One smile was all it took.

One week: It's only 2% of a year, but it can affect the other 98%. One week was all it took to confirm my love. One week of dirt roads, cold showers, laughter, the cutest children, solar panels, extremely hot weather, water pumps, tears, worshiping, giant bugs, riding all forms of transportation (motorcycle, walking, bed of a pickup, horse, airplane and hitchhiking), different foods, spotty electricity, new friendships and serving. One week of living in Ferrier stole my heart forever.

One person: A servant's heart that brought the Kingdom to earth. Gave up his comfortable life in America to serve "the least of these" in Ferrier. An inspiring heart and willingness to serve every single day, despite how he was feeling. His dry, witty and sarcastic humor provided laughs throughout the entire trip. Absolutely losing it in a fit of tears from laughter at lunch in Turks and laughing at me as I was escorted away for more security checks at the airport. Seth Dorrell. A life that ended too soon, but ONE that impacted MANY. One person can change the world and his life is proof.

One month: One month back in the United States. Crazy how fast time flies!! And a lot has changed. The little things I never gave a second thought to before are now blessings. Clean water from the sink to brush my teeth. Air conditioning to keep me cool. Hundreds of options for food. Things I think are necessities, but are actually luxuries for most of the world. One month later and life is uncomfortable in the U.S. Some people say this feeling and emotions will eventually wear off, but I hope it doesn't. God broke my heart and I fell in love with the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Which brings me to a big announcement:

Upon arrival at DFW, my mother immediately knew I was different. "God told you you were supposed to be in Haiti, didn't He?" She was, and is, SO right! Last week I started the process of becoming a full-time missionary. I don't know what the time table looks like for this, but I have signed up for a TESOL class to get started. This would certify me to teach English as a second/optional language overseas. I also had a lunch meeting with some friends who are home on furlough and they gave me wonderful advice and information. While in Haiti, God revealed I could use my passion for empowering women and providing clean water. I am in the process of researching agencies who focus on these issues while spreading the Gospel. Please be in prayer that God would guide me in selecting an agency/mission board, provide the financial means for this new life, give me patience for the process and for my family. Thankfully my immediate family is very supportive of this!!

One smile, one week, one person, one month and one decision changed my life. But one person made this all happen: Jesus Christ. He began molding my heart for this years ago and now it's coming to fruition. While this is an exciting time, I'll be honest, it's also very scary. A lot of things will change. I'll have to give up things I never thought I could. My life will be radically different, but I'm so ready to see what God has planned. Thanks for reading and I hope you will be my prayer warriors and support system through this process! :)

My Love Haiti Relationship

I've been back in the States almost two weeks and finally feel ready to lay it out there and share details about the trip to Haiti and how it changed me. There were so many things that happened on this trip. If I shared everything, this post would be extremely long so I'm just going to share the high points and if you want to know more, just ask. :)

My group of six arrived in Haiti on May 22nd. We all threw our luggage into the bed of a pickup and hopped in. The ride to our guest house was a little over an hour. On the main road to the house, we passed the farm my mom lived on and I swore I would visit there before we left. The house we stayed at was on the compound of a school, which brings me to my first high point.


1. This is Bidjins Forest, the child I sponsor through Mission Waco/Mission World. When we arrived at our house, I noticed the kids at the school wore uniforms that looked very similar to the one Bidjins wore in the pictures I have. I found the one teacher who spoke good English at the school and asked if he went there. He did!!! She called him out in front of everyone. As Bidjins came to the front of the crowd, I could feel my heart exploding and my eyes filling with tears. He was so precious and perfect, and also very embarrassed!! Bidjins doesn't know English so she explained to him who I was in Creole. After learning who this crazy white girl was, he gave me a smile and hugged me. Knowing that he attended school on the same land I was living on made me feel so happy. I could look out at him playing during break every day and know that I was an important part of his life, even if he didn't realize it yet.


2. This is Jeniflo. Her mother died from HIV so her aunt took her and her siblings into her home. Between her siblings and her cousins, there are eight people living in her little hut. Her family is the poorest in the village of Ferrier and they live beside the dump. Despite her difficulties, Jeniflo is so upbeat and always has a smile on her face and is laughing. She visited us every day and immediately connected with me. We hung out every afternoon talking, walking and playing in the streets, drawing and napping on the porch. This picture is special to me because I got to put my tattoo to use. Many of the kids were curious about it, including Jeniflo. A church in Waco donated a suitcase of Creole Bibles so I went inside and grabbed one, which is what's in my hand. Thankfully I knew enough Creole that I knew how to pronounce a simple sentence. I looked up Romans 1:16 and read it to her then sang and taught her "Jesus Loves Me."Jeniflo responded with her beautiful smile, a hug, a praise song in Creole and by proclaiming me her madrina (godmother). I miss her warm hugs and smile every single day. She's one of the main reasons I can't wait to return to Haiti very soon.


3. We did a lot of different activities while in Ferrier. Part of the group were engineering students from Baylor. They assembled solar panels and mounted them on the roof. This provided the guest house and school with power. Before the solar panels were installed, we didn't have electricity for a few days and relied on generators. Two or three nights I showered in the dark with my flashlight! The main activity I participated in was taking water samples. Millions of people around the world still don't have access to clean water. This causes a lot of health problems including chronic diarrhea, malnutrition, stunted growth and diseases. Ferrier and the country of Haiti has a problem with lack of access to clean water. We took samples from runoff, as seen in this picture, the river, private wells and water pumps throughout the village. Back at the guest house we had reagents that we put in the water and let the samples sit for 24-48 hours. If the water turned black, it was unsafe to drink. Many of our samples turned black so hundreds of the people in Ferrier were drinking unsafe water. Zach and some Haitians would later fix the water pumps and shock the water. We were lucky to have clean drinking water in our home. One day we were all sick and ran out of water before noon! This caused a lot of runs to the water pump and to find a generator to get the water system working again. We take this simple, basic need for granted in America.


4. I am very passionate about women and children issues, which was something I also got to work with but don't have pictures for. Seventy percent of the Haitian population has HIV. SEVENTY PERCENT!! Shannon and I created a skit to be used for HIV education. We picked 10 people out of our group and gave them a piece of cardboard. One side was clean and the other side had an X. I narrated different scenarios and if you contracted HIV, you would flip over the cardboard and reveal the X. By the end, seven of us had an X and the mouths in the audience were open. Seeing the skit puts a face on the statistics. I also helped create birthing kits. Most of the time, women in Haiti give birth at home because they don't have transportation to get to the hospital. Their babies contract HIV or other diseases because they use dirty razors or other materials during the birthing process. Our birthing kits contained a clean razor, an alcohol wipe to sanitize the razor, soap to wash your hands and two pieces of rope to tie off the umbilical cord. All of these items were in a match box that could be kept in the woman's pocket. Getting these materials was an adventure!! Shannon and I went to the store without a translator and bought these items, plus condoms for our HIV education. The store owner couldn't understand why two girls needed condoms. It was hilarious because of the language barrier. On Monday night we had the privilege of going to the microcredit women's meeting. In Haiti, women change lives. If a woman has a great idea, she can change and support her family. These business ventures are funded my microcredit loans and about 50 women meet to talk about their ventures and success. At this meeting, we presented a new idea. In Haiti, a girl drops out of school when she gets her period because she doesn't have access to feminine items and it is embarrassing to go to school. Usually there are no bathrooms so there is no place to clean up. A woman in Florida makes snappy pads that snap into your panties. They are washable and reusable. We took three bags of those and three packages of panties. One woman at the meeting jumped off the front row and put on a pair that we were showing. They were a huge hit!! Coming home from that meeting was also a great experience for the girls in our group. We were sore from riding horses earlier that day so riding in the back of a truck was painful. It didn't help that it had been raining so the roads were a mess and filled with ruts. We held on for our lives and laughed all the way back to the house. This is a memory I will always smile about.



5. Remember earlier I talked about the farm my mom lived on? This is it!! My last full day in Haiti Janet came and got me while I was getting ready for the day. She then took me to the farm and gave me a personal tour and told me stories about her time there with my mom and their group. Some of these stories I had never heard! The pictures my mom had always shown me were coming to life. The farm had been abandoned for about a decade so the Haitians had stolen the toilets, pipes and parts of the buildings. Nothing but goats live there now, but it was still amazing to be where my mom lived for three months. My mom and her group used to sing worship and read their Bibles on the ledge behind me. In the middle of the tour I realized how lucky we are to live in the new guest house and also in America. This house didn't have bathrooms in it. You had to walk 40 yards so doing that while you're sick is almost impossible. At the end of the tour, the emotions and experiences from the whole week hit me and I finally broke down. As the rest of the group met up to walk to town, I got some tissue from someone and walked alone. Seeing the home where my mom lived was an amazing experience, but it was my breaking point.

6. Another moment that I will never forget is a series of moments involving song. Each night we would have a time of worship, testimony and prayer. As the week went on, our Haitian friends would join us. At first it was just a translator or Shadrack, our night guard, but the final night there, all of our cooks, translators and Shadrack joined for worship. Some Haitians learn English by singing old hymns and this was the case with our group. We passed out song sheets and sang together, some in Creole and some in English. The house is made of concrete so the acoustics were absolutely beautiful. We even sang song Creole songs in the closet because the acoustics were better haha It was hard not to cry when hearing some of the engineering students and Walson, our translator, sing Amazing Grace. I can still hear it when I close my eyes.....Another way Haitians learn English is through popular music. One day while we were working, Dalince, one of our translators, started playing Backstreet Boys. Even after not listening to them for 10 years, I naturally sang along. The older people in our group sang and danced to Backstreet Boys for the rest of the week while we worked. Haitians have no idea they aren't together anymore and I wasn't breaking that news to them.


I've always been in love with Haiti. God called me to this country years ago and I have patiently waited to go there. This trip was a test to see if this was really what God wanted for me and if I could make it. I, and the rest of my group, was shocked to see how quickly I fit in. The children flocked to me, I naturally picked up Creole and I danced with some Haitian girls at a party which made me a "real Haitian." And you know what? I was only bit by a mosquito three times and I absolutely LOVED the food, even goat. God broke my heart for this country and its people. They are beautiful and God is very present in Ferrier. Many of the villagers can't afford nice clothes, or any at all during the week, but they will spend multiple week's of salary on an outfit for church. We were all shocked to see the outfits and shoes worn at church. They dress nicer than I do and they're in extreme poverty!! They also worship God so loudly. Looking at them, you'd think they have no reason to praise and every reason to be angry with God, but they're not. The churches are packed there and the worship is loud and fun and Spirit-filled.

It's been very hard being back in America. I haven't adjusted yet and I hope I never do. It took me four nights before I could sleep in my bed because I was uncomfortable. My meal portions have shrunk significantly because of what I saw and experienced in Haiti. My showers have become shorter and using water from the sink to brush my teeth is a gift. Air conditioning and electricity is a blessing I never thought I could live without, but learned I could (fans are wonderful). I learned that a smile, hug and a wave are the same in any language and culture. A thumb used for hitch-hiking is too.

It's hard to explain what I feel now. My mom and friends who have lived in third-world countries say this is normal. Sitting in a very large church in downtown Dallas is uncomfortable to me now and brings me to tears. There are days where I want to just be left alone. Sometimes I read my journal or look through pictures of the trip and weep. I also feel empowered and want to change Haiti. God changed me through this trip to Haiti and I will be forever grateful. I may be an American citizen, but Haiti is my home. He will make a way for me to be in Haiti permanently, I just have to be patient.

IT'S FINALLY TIME!!!!!

Tomorrow I will be traveling to Haiti for 10 days! This is a dream come true for me. My closest friends are probably sick of hearing me talk about this trip, but many people don't know the story behind my heart for Haiti. I guess you could say I'm following in my mother's footsteps. :)

In 1984 my mother was 22 and was involved with World Hunger Relief in Waco, Texas. This is where she met Jimmy and Janet Dorrell. In 1984 and 1985, my mother spent time in Haiti and India with the Dorrell's. She stayed in Ferrier and helped teach effective ways of farming and irrigation, among other things. Farming in Haiti is very hard because the ground is flat and there is hardly any good soil because of the lack of a plumbing system. Because of the flat ground, Haiti floods very easily, which makes it extremely hard to keep crops.

Growing up, I loved looking through the photo album of my mom's time in India and Haiti, but especially Haiti. Hearing the stories of her time there and the Dorrell's was like my version of a fairy tale. I wanted to know more details and about the story behind every photo. My heart went out to the dark eyes that looked back at me in her pictures. I just wanted to hug every single child I saw and heard stories about.

In 2010 when Haiti was hit by an earthquake, it really upset me. Seeing the footage on television broke my heart and brought me to tears. Was it really possible to be in love with the people and a country I've never visited? Maybe these were "my people." I firmly believe every person has a people group that they connect to most. For some, it could be the elderly, children, people with special needs or the impoverished. I guess Haitians are my people group (and the impoverished)!!

Twenty-nine years after my mom made this trip, I'll be going to Ferrier with Janet Dorrell, some of her children and others. One of her sons that I will be traveling with was 3 when he was in Haiti with my mom! I'm 23, so I am at a similar point in life as my mom was. Instead of teaching farming techniques, I will be teaching women how to cook on solar stoves. Many children die from smoke inhalation because their mothers cook inside their homes and there is no way for the smoke to escape. By teaching these women how to use solar stoves, we will force them to cook outside and save their children's lives. My group will also be providing clean water to the village using water pumps. We will also spend time at an orphanage. This will be my favorite part of the trip. I sponsor the sweetest little boy, Bidjins, who lives in this orphanage. I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to meeting and hugging him!

I have been saving for this trip for months and can't believe it's finally here!!! I know it will be physically, emotionally and mentally hard, but I also know it will be SO worth it!! I'm so ready to bring the love of Jesus to this country, where the majority of its people practice voodoo. I pray that God will break my heart and let me fall even more in love with this beautiful country and its people. This definitely won't be my only trip.



While I'm gone, I ask that you pray for a few things:
1.) Being unashamed about the gospel and sharing it any chance I can, whether that's through sharing the Word or showing Christ's love through actions.
2.) The group's safety and health. We are all taking medicine, but are also prepared in case we get sick. The last thing I want is to miss anything because I'm sick.
3.) Mosquitos! I'm allergic to mosquitos in America and I've been told the ones in Haiti are bigger and more powerful. Pray that I have as few bites as possible and have zero allergic reactions.
4.) Safe travels. The flight is five hours, with a stop in Miami both ways. Once in Ferrier, we will be getting around either in a truck or foot.
5.) Last but not least, my family. My mom says this is payback for what she did to her mom haha Needless to say, they are worried, although they feel better knowing I'm going with the Dorrell's. Pray that their hearts are as free from worry as possible.

Poverty Simulation: Day Three

"BBRREEAAAKKKFFAASSSTTT!!! "

This is how I was woken up Sunday morning. Instead of chips and soda, we were served breakfast tacos. Yum! After breakfast, we all sat on the ground and watched a sermon from Tony Campolo. The film was really old, but still so relevant today. I can't tell you all that he said and I didn't have material to take notes, but it felt like this man was speaking directly to me! The tears started to flow as he spoke about hunger and poverty around the world and the lack of help from the church.

One thing that I do remember and will probably stick with me for the rest of my life is a simple question: Are you a believer or a disciple?

Mr. Campolo stated that if you aren't doing what Christ commands in regards to serving the poor, then you aren't a true disciple. You are just a believer, meaning you believe what Christ did for you, but aren't acting on it or following His teachings. Wow!! I have to agree and it got me thinking. There are a lot of people who call themselves Christians, but aren't acting like it. So, what are you? A believer or a disciple?

After the video, we prepared for church. Everyone tried to primp as best we could. Nobody had had a shower, but we put on extra deodorant. Most of us didn't have a toothbrush either, myself included. Our fingers acted as a toothbrush and I used someone's toothpaste to brush my teeth. It's so funny how we tried to make ourself look "nice" for church. We walked to the other side of Waco for Church Under the Bridge. I walked with the group from Beaumont and we all shared our testimonies with each other. It was amazing to hear the work God was doing in each of our lives.

At church, I took my usual seat in the front row and waited for my sweet friend, Patrick. For those of you who don't know, Patrick changed my life two years ago. He is a homeless man who is extremely slow and a member of Church Under the Bridge. The rest of our story will be saved for a different post. :) Anyway, I helped pass out sermon notes and song sheets. Before the service I was able to mingle with different people in the church and the pastor, Jimmy, sat by me during the worship service. This man is amazing and I have grown up hearing so much about him through my mom. I can't wait to travel to Haiti with him and Janet!

After the service, we walked back to Mission Waco and were served a lunch of salad and lasagna before saying our goodbyes. At this time, Janet pointed out we had lost a group of people. One group of students from a university in San Antonio quit. This simulation was hard and obviously they couldn't handle it. Telling goodbyes was hard too. Even though this simulation was only 48 hours, it felt like I was saying goodbye to camp friends.


This weekend really changed me. I already had a heart for the poor and this weekend just made me more zealous. And made me feel like I wasn't doing enough! This weekend opened my eyes to so much. I was surprised at how quickly people were willing to help me because I was homeless. Would they actually help a homeless person? Maybe after this weekend they would be more inclined to. How I was treated at the world dinner was also an eye opener. That is exactly how the poor will be treated in Heaven. Amazing!!

The simulation also made me realize how much I take for granted and that we can all easily survive with less. I survived the weekend with just a sleeping bag, pillow and help from some new friends. The homeless community has a sense of family because they have each other's backs. I got a glimpse of that.

We are so very lucky to live in this country where we have clean water and access to food. It's really not fair! Why was I chosen to live in America, where I always have plenty and have the chance at a future, while there are other children who die before the age of five? This simulation gave me a wide range of emotions, but I left feeling incredibly humble and grateful. And wanting to sell everything I own! lol

Poverty Simulation: Day Two

I was awoken from a combination of the sun in my face, a rooster crowing and my stomach growling. Everyone who bought a breakfast ticket lined up and went inside to eat. I was so thankful Matt bought my breakfast because I can't start my day without it. Little did I know, we would be eating the typical breakfast of someone living in poverty in America: a handful of chips and small cup of soda. Janet said this is what would typically be left at the end of the week. Surprisingly, this small amount of food satisfied me.

After breakfast, we went outside where Janet told us to get in a circle. All 53 of us made a giant circle and Janet taught us new games. Today we were going to a low income apartment complex for King's Club, a play time that involves games, a skit, songs and snack with the kids living there. Janet taught us a few games before we split up into small groups. Our task was to create three songs with hand movements. It was still super early and I was the only one in my group who had "breakfast," so the energy level was low. It didn't matter because we all got a laugh out of our songs and the songs other groups made up.

At 9am we set off for King's Club. This started a day of walking around Waco that didn't end until 4pm. I can't tell you how many city blocks we covered, but King's Club wasn't too far. My group's skit was about Joseph and his coat of many colors. We all sang "The Lord's Army" too. King's Club was somewhat of a disappointment for me, personally, because the weather was cloudy which kept a lot of kids inside. There were more adults than children so I didn't really get to connect with any children. Following King's Club we had to meet Janet at a nearby park.

At this point the sun had come out and it was getting really hot. There was a fountain at the park that resembled a shower head and had a button to the side that turned on the water. A few people turned on the water and were washing their face, arms and drinking the water. Some were even washing their hair! I ran over and joined them. It was so refreshing just to feel clean, even though I didn't have soap. When Janet arrived she was laughing because we were using that just as the city of Waco had intended. The fountain was supposed to be used as a shower for people who didn't have access to water and the homeless. This was the first "woah" moment for me. Was this how the homeless felt? My mouth was parched and I was so desperate to feel cool water on my skin that I didn't care who saw.

After our "shower," Janet gave us our next assignment: a scavenger hunt through the city of Waco. We weren't allowed to beg, tell people we were in a simulation or ride in a car. Some of the items on the hunt were: interview a homeless person, interview a poor elderly person, collect 100 aluminum cans and see how much they're worth, find a quarter on the street, find lunch, ask a random person how much the average Christian should give to the poor, write a poem as if one of my children died in the night from hunger and write a letter to a member of church under the bridge who was in jail. My favorite item on the list was to analyze Matthew 25:31-46!!!

My group set off and we killed two birds with one stone when we came upon an elderly homeless man in the park. He was a 70-year-old midget and was enjoying a beer at one of the picnic tables. He gave us a few good laughs then we were off on an important mission: find lunch. We knew The Salvation Army was serving food, but didn't know what time it was. We were also on the other side of Waco, so we spotted the Alico building and headed that way. On our way, we kept an eye open for cans and a quarter. We stopped a woman in a parking lot and asked her how much Christians should give to the poor. Her answer shocked me! 35-40%! Imagine if we all gave that much. Poverty wouldn't be such a big problem. Did you know American Christians make over $2.5 TRILLION annually? If we gave 35-40% of our money, time or possessions, we could make a huge dent in poverty.

When we finally made it to The Salvation Army, they had already finished serving lunch. Everyone in my group started pounding on the window until the manager finally came to the door. We weren't allowed to say we were in the simulation, but he knew and let us in. Before this man was the manager, he was homeless for a year and a half. He offered us breakfast burritos and pulled up a chair. I've never learned so much as I did in that short time with him. He helped us with most of the things on the scavenger hunt and gave us lots of information on emergency shelter and help. In Waco, 28% of the population lives under the poverty line so the need is over twice as great as the state (12%).

After lunch, we began our trek back across Waco. In the middle of the downtown area, we came upon a bush that had quite a few aluminum cans sticking out of the bottom. When I pulled back branches, I noticed a homeless person had made this his/her den. This person had cut away branches in order to make a sitting area. This person also had a drinking problem. There were at least 20 beer cans and bottles in the den. My competitive nature appeared and I climbed into the bush and started picking up the cans, totally disregarding the prickly leaves and random thorns scratching my arms and legs. After collecting the cans, we all sat on some stairs and reflected on what we just saw. Could you imagine sleeping in a bush every night in the middle of a city street? Just....WOW!

Janet told us to be back at Mission Waco when the sun was right above the tree line, so we started walking back across town. At this point we had almost given up on finding a quarter. We were two blocks away and decided to walk through a gas station. One of the girls in my group, Leslie, saw something shiny on the ground a few feet away and ran to it. "A QUARTER," she shouted. We all ran over, shouted and raised our arms and high fived each other. This was my second "woah" moment of the day. Is this how a homeless person feels every time they find something other than a penny on the street? We were celebrating as if we'd found $20 on the street when it was only a quarter.

When we got back to the mobilization building, all of us participated in a world dinner. The people chosen to be homeless for the weekend got to go first. I was seated at a table with a fancy tablecloth, place setting and a waiter. My dinner was sausage, potato salad, coleslaw, a roll and a strawberry pastry for dessert. Many of my other friends ate on the ground, had no utensils and were served from a community platter. This is where the events of the weekend all came together and pained my heart. This is how it would be in Heaven! When Jesus talks about the least of these being first in Heaven and inheriting the Kingdom, this is what it would be like! I just sat there and stared at my food as this hit me. There were three girls who were served even better. They represented Americans and were served a three course meal including; salad, steak and potato and a sundae. One of the girls started crying and refused to eat the dessert because she felt so bad. This weekend was full of lots of tears from almost everyone. The tears hit me in the debriefing and the videos we watched.

One thing I've often struggled with is why I was chosen to be here in America while others are hungry and dying. Why was I blessed with so much while children were dying before their lives truly began? It just isn't fair!! Why is God so good TO ME?! His sovereignty, grace and mercy is so good. The only thing the leader could do was point me to Matthew 25:31-46. This dried my tears quickly and made me smile because these verses is how I try to live my life daily. What a powerful reminder!

After the debriefing, we drew sticks with medical emergencies on them. This made me nervous because I had three kids and no money. Luckily my emergency was minimal and only cost $2, which Leslie gave to me. There was also the option to sleep inside for $20. About half of the people decided to pay and sleep inside. Again, I was surprised by the compassion and kindness from these strangers in the simulation. Many of the men started gathering their money so I could sleep inside. I refused the money saying I would prefer to sleep outside to get the most from this experience. Plus it was a gorgeous night! It was a little colder and a chance of rain, so I found a spot under the porch and laid down. I was knocked out by 9pm! Since it was colder, Ton, Leslie and I slept a lot closer than the night before. This time, it was a peaceful night and I slept until 7am.

Check back later for the final day of the poverty simulation! :)

Poverty Simulation: Day One

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At the end of May I will be traveling to Ferrier, Haiti with Mission Waco. Before going on this trip it was recommended that I participate in a poverty simulation. This simulation would allow me to live the life of someone in poverty for the weekend. While studying at Baylor, I heard about the poverty simulation, but never participated in one. After registering, the email I received that I thought contained information about the weekend was actually only directions and one detail: arrive no later than 8pm. I wasn't told any other details about what to expect.

I packed a bag as if going camping for the weekend and headed south on 35 after work Friday afternoon. I stopped by my parent's house in Waxahachie long enough to have dinner and pick up my sleeping bag. On my way to Waco I tried to prep myself for the weekend. I'm a big talker and yes, I LOVE the poor, but I also like to know details so I was nervous about the weekend. As I pulled up to the Mission Waco mobilization building, there were already quite a few cars there. I grabbed my backpack and sleeping bag and went inside. Little did I know then, I wasn't going to use anything in my backpack.

Once inside the building, there were 50 other people waiting for instructions. I was one of two who was doing the simulation alone. The rest were groups. There was a group of students from Jimmy and Janet's classes at Baylor, a youth group from Oklahoma, a church group from Louisiana, another church group from Beaumont, two high school buds from The Colony and a church group from McKinney. Once we all settled on the floor, Janet, the simulation director, gave us our scenario for the weekend. We were all single parents with three children, no car, no job and only had $40 for the weekend. Each meal was $6 for our family and it was $20 to sleep inside each night. Every person was allowed four possessions from their backpack. FOUR! As in toothbrush, toothpaste, sleeping bag and a hair tie was all you could have, etc. We also weren't allowed to have our phones or watches. We couldn't ask what time it was because "that is a middle-class question."

But there was a catch!

Janet split us up into groups then said she was going to pick seven random people to live as a homeless person. These people weren't allowed any possessions or money. I was in the group of Baylor students and everyone gasped and started saying they hoped they weren't picked. This is where you can call me crazy because I was hoping she would pick me. Sure enough, I was second to be picked. In crazy person fashion, I started smiling and walked up to the front of the room as the rest of my homeless friends joined me. What happened next shocked me.

The two friends from The Colony, Matt and Tyler, approached me and said they wanted to give me two of their possessions and $10. Want to know why? They saw my tattoo and knew what it meant! 116 stands for Romans 1:16 but it is also a Christian movement and record label that includes Lecrae, Trip Lee, Andy Mineo, Tedashii and others. We quickly struck up a conversation about music and became friends.

These boys offered me a ride to our next destination: Goodwill. We weren't allowed to wear our own clothes. We had to find new shoes, pants and a shirt for the weekend. The only shoes I could find that were comfortable and fit were tennis shoes that had holes where my little toes poked out when I walked. My pants were navy sweatpants that I rolled up into capris and I picked a large t-shirt. This was one of two free things the homeless could have all weekend. When we were leaving Goodwill, we could purchase meal tickets. I was surprised at how quickly people were wanting to pay the $6 for me and my children to eat breakfast. Matt offered first so I took his money.

When we returned to the mobilization building, Janet told us goodnight and we were on our own for the night. All 53 of us shared two outhouses, one for girls and one for boys. It was literally a small closet with just a toilet. No sink. The only water we had was a water hose that we could use for drinking water or a shower if we were brave. Needless to say, I went all weekend without a shower....or brushing my teeth since I had no toothbrush.

The two things I decided to keep (thank you Matt and Tyler!) were my hoodie and sleeping bag. We all laid our sleeping bags on the grass and slept close to a friend or two. There were two Baylor girls, Leslie and Ton, I also made friends with and we stuck together the whole weekend. We all finally fell asleep and then were awoken by a very loud fight across the street. Many of us thought the fight was going to end in gunfire as cars started peeling out. Thankfully, it quieted down and was actually a beautiful night.

I was warm, but couldn't get comfortable. In the middle of the night it started to lightly mist. I thought it was just dew so I pulled my hoodie down further and my sleeping bag up higher. The mist turned into light rain and started getting heavier. I couldn't lay out there any longer. When I got up to wake Leslie, I noticed everyone else had already taken shelter and left about 10 of us in the rain. By the time Leslie and I got to a covered porch, there was no room for us to lay down. It was probably 4 am and she sat in a chair while I sat up against a pole and tried to go back to sleep. Sleep was not coming and I noticed there was a very small amount of space between poles that I thought my sleeping bag could fit. I was very thankful for my shortness at this moment and squeezed in the space and fell back to sleep. That hour or two of sleep on a concrete porch was better than the rest of the night in the grass. As a homeless person, you fall asleep when it gets dark and wake when the sun comes up, or when a rooster crows. Yes, a rooster in the middle of Waco! That thing woke me up before the sun!


Check back later for Day Two!! :)