This morning as I was reading my Bible study for community group, I found myself laughing at some of the stories from the author. She was giving details about horrible family vacations and they were the same things I loved about Haiti. Things like outdoor bathrooms, machetes and watching mice/rats run across the yard as entertainment. Reading those details in my daily Bible study made me smile and also brought tears to my eyes.
Cassandra, the in-country missionary I stayed with, shared that she knew she was called to Haiti when she couldn't talk about Haiti or look at pictures without crying. If I didn't know beforehand that I was called to Haiti, these last three weeks would prove it. There have been plenty of tears while sharing stories or reminiscing on my memories this summer. When someone asks me how I'm adjusting to American life, it takes all I have to keep my eyes from welling up with tears. Adjust? Ha! My stomach has finally adjusted to America again after a parasite scare, but my heart hasn't. I hope it never does. How can I readjust to having clean water to flush in the toilet when the children I taught this summer don't have clean water to drink? Or readjust to having a choice of what to eat rather than eating rice and beans every day?
My parents were somewhat hoping this summer would get the missions bug out of my system, but instead that "bug" just got stronger. I thought Haiti already had my heart after last year's trip, but after living there for six weeks, I came back to America with a hole where my heart used to be. There's a quote that says, "If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders." My mind goes to children with dark skin tugging on my arms, laughter and big smiles, a rocky hillside and warm breeze, creole sauce and learning a new language. Clearly my mind wanders to Haiti and my heart is there....
The hardest part about being back in America is that I don't know when I will return to Haiti. The goal is for me to live there long-term in the future, but there's an issue...I'm a single woman. I have yet to find an organization that will send me to Haiti alone. "You need to be married and go with your husband." "You need to find a group to go with you." Well, are there any men out there who will marry me and then move to Haiti? *crickets* that's what I thought... It's a struggle I deal with daily with the Lord. Why would He put such a strong desire in my heart to be in Haiti, but not provide a way for me to be there now? How long will I have to wait for this husband, or will an organization finally come around and send me? Since when do you have to be married to serve God in another country?!?
This summer I found that I had a natural talent for teaching and really enjoyed it. The best day of teaching was when I taught music and then led 10 of my students to Christ. I'll never forget that day! Since I enjoyed it so much, I'm finishing my TESOL certificate in-between applying for jobs. Applying for jobs is another struggle. I need a full-time job in order to pay my bills, but I'm having a hard time finding anything. It's hard to find a job when my heart wants to work for a Christian company and those options are few, even in the Bible belt.
All of this rambling is just to say...please pray for my heart; a broken one, at the moment. Pray that I would find contentment in America. Pray that I will find a full-time job in order to pay the bills. Pray that the Lord will either provide me a husband who loves Haiti as much as I do or an organization that will send a single woman. Pray for my heart and that it will find rest and assurance in Christ during this uncertain time. Thanks and God Bless!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
This is Haiti
As I settled into my window seat on the plane, I looked outside and saw the beautiful, green mountains in the distance. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest, my stomach was in knots and tears welled up in my eyes. The cold air conditioning fell from the vent above my head and I placed my forehead on the window. I wanted the Haitian heat on my skin as long as possible. As the plane began to move down the runway, tears fell down my cheek. My eyes followed the rolling mountains and captured every color from the houses in the Port au Prince streets. When I could no longer make out houses and details below, my head fell into my hands and I began to weep.
Was it possible for six weeks to go by that fast?! When would I be back in Haiti?
The night before, I contemplated losing my passport with one of my roommates. She even suggested flushing it down the toilet. She was joking, but I honestly wouldn't have minded being "stuck" in Haiti. That night I hardly slept. Not from excitement of going back to the States, but from dread of leaving the country that has captured my heart. The heartbreak of leaving children who I was supposed to be teaching, but taught me so much more. The sadness of not talking to Sophede every day in broken Creole. Missing the feeling of the breeze coming off the lake and the laughter from orphans at CAD. Or missing the heartfelt Creole worship at Eve's. I would even miss the fun and frustration of sharing one bathroom with six other girls. Most of all, I was going to miss waking up in a place I completely loved and surrounded by the people who had become family.
At the beginning of the summer we were strangers, but I left with an enlarged family and an enlarged heart. Every single intern had a connection or calling to the nation of Haiti, which is why we had such a great time living, serving and worshipping together. We shared testimonies, laughs, tears, MANY games of Uno and inside jokes.
One thing the girl interns did together was make a list of things we discovered throughout the summer and titled it, "This is Haiti." When most people think of Haiti, they think of extreme poverty, voodoo, starving children, the heat, shanty houses and corruption. That's not the Haiti we saw. This list consisted of funny things we saw, things we loved about Haiti and things that we did in Haiti that you wouldn't do in America.
Was it possible for six weeks to go by that fast?! When would I be back in Haiti?
The night before, I contemplated losing my passport with one of my roommates. She even suggested flushing it down the toilet. She was joking, but I honestly wouldn't have minded being "stuck" in Haiti. That night I hardly slept. Not from excitement of going back to the States, but from dread of leaving the country that has captured my heart. The heartbreak of leaving children who I was supposed to be teaching, but taught me so much more. The sadness of not talking to Sophede every day in broken Creole. Missing the feeling of the breeze coming off the lake and the laughter from orphans at CAD. Or missing the heartfelt Creole worship at Eve's. I would even miss the fun and frustration of sharing one bathroom with six other girls. Most of all, I was going to miss waking up in a place I completely loved and surrounded by the people who had become family.
At the beginning of the summer we were strangers, but I left with an enlarged family and an enlarged heart. Every single intern had a connection or calling to the nation of Haiti, which is why we had such a great time living, serving and worshipping together. We shared testimonies, laughs, tears, MANY games of Uno and inside jokes.
One thing the girl interns did together was make a list of things we discovered throughout the summer and titled it, "This is Haiti." When most people think of Haiti, they think of extreme poverty, voodoo, starving children, the heat, shanty houses and corruption. That's not the Haiti we saw. This list consisted of funny things we saw, things we loved about Haiti and things that we did in Haiti that you wouldn't do in America.
- Take navy showers...but still run out of water in the mornings
- Wear bug spray to bed. And reapply multiple times a day (Nobody wanted to catch "the fever")
- Put toilet paper in a trash can, not the toilet
- Being called, and answering to, "blanc" because of the color of your skin
- React to getting a coke or a cookie as if it were treasure
- Take a risk and hold a naked baby. It's poop roulette!
- Cold showers aren't bad at the end of a hot day and lukewarm drinking water is just as refreshing as cold
- Singing Disney songs makes daily duties like washing the dishes and cooking more enjoyable
- Lose your table manners to have the extra hand on the table to swat bugs away
- Hand sanitizer is a lifesaver on the mission field
- A baby goat sounds like a screaming child in the mornings and late at night
- Kids playing with toys made from trash
- People and animals hanging off a tap tap
- Security guards with huge guns isn't alarming. Neither are men carrying machetes.
- Three people and a goat on a moto is acceptable and "safe"
- The hug from an orphan makes every other thought melt away
- No road rules=cars all over the road, constant honking and traffic when there shouldn't be
That's only a snippet of the list. Is that what you expected or not? Look past the images of extreme poverty and hopelessness and this is what you'll see: the joy of an orphan as you paint her nails, laughter from a child as you try to learn his language, dreams of becoming a nurse or a teacher. You'll see hope rising from the ashes. Children who are hungry to learn, people lining up to be baptized and people learning of and accepting Christ. Behind the dark eyes and skin is a lot of turmoil and sadness, but I choose to see hope. Haiti will rise up and prove to the world they aren't a lost cause and I believe this will happen through the world changers I loved and did life with for six weeks.
I took this internship in Haiti because I selfishly wanted to change a nation and see if I was called to be there full-time. Returning to the States, those six weeks did more work in my life than I intended to do in Haiti. I learned more about myself and my faith in six weeks than I have in the last 25 years of life. God performed miracles in front of my eyes and children began to see how they were truly loved. Healings happened, I danced as a form of worship, sang a special in Creole in front of a church and my heart was shattered. The Holy Spirit covered Fond Parisien and me like the sun rays covered the mountains and lake at sunrise. The Lord revealed new things to me through the eyes of a child and taught me new meaning of being unashamed of my faith. I felt His presence in the wind every day as it whipped through my hair and gave me goosebumps in the Haitian heat. In those six weeks, God allowed me to see Haiti and the people as He sees them: not broken and hopeless, but as children of God, worthy to be loved and beautiful. I already saw Haiti and Haitians as God sees them, but my eyes and heart were opened wider. I am forever grateful for being able to live and serve in Haiti this summer and am anxious for when I can go back to where I left my heart.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Fleeing From Fear and Anxiety
I serve the Heavenly Savior. The Great Provider. The one with the master plan. The one who died on the cross for my sins, set me free and will love me no matter what. The one who knows the number of hairs on my head, my every thought and has my steps planned out. Yet, I still doubt Him sometimes. WHY?!?
Because I'm a control freak. I like to have control of my life, my finances and my future. God completely pushed me out of the way in March and took over everything, and honestly, I'm scared. "Why me, Lord?! I'm a terrible, awful wretch! I have zero Bible training outside of VBS and two required religion courses at Baylor." This is my brain talking and the enemy whispering in my ear. But then I remember my favorite Bible character, Paul. He was a hated man and persecuted and killed Christians daily. Then he met Christ one day on the street, immediately turned his life around and became the greatest missionary to ever walk the planet and wrote the majority of the New Testament. If God can use Paul, then surely He can use me!! Right?....
I'm a big talker and say I'm unafraid of what will happen in Haiti. Honestly, I'm not afraid of anything physically that can happen to me while there, whether that's sickness, safety, etc. I'm more concerned with what my mind and the enemy can do. Three weeks in when I start to miss my family and friends, what will happen? What will the enemy try to tell me after a long, hard day? These are the moments when I have to remember why I'm in Haiti and that God has planned this all along. Haiti is where I was born to be, no matter how many mosquito bites I have, how hot it may get or how badly I smell. The country is beautiful and there is so much joy and love in the faces of poverty. The presence of God is there, you just have to peel away the sadness and poverty the American media only wants you to see. You have to GO to know what I mean.
Speaking of going, there was an announcement I had to make last week. I gave my resignation at First Baptist Dallas last Friday, hoping they would let me come back in July. Unfortunately, they will not. And that's where my fear crept back in. "Lord, what will happen to me when I come back in July? Where will I work?" Then I was reminded that Watermark called me a treasure and wants to talk with me about missions when I return, and possibly a job. That same day, I found out I had to move out instead of coming back to the apartment in July. Again, "Lord, where will I live? What about all of my possessions?" Thankfully, my parents have been so kind to let me temporarily live with them before I leave and when I return. They have also been a huge source of encouragement, as well as my friends. In my moments of anxiety and fear, the people I love most feed me Scripture.
As I prepare for this journey, I am pointed to Luke 12, one of my favorite chapters in the New Testament. In this one chapter I find all the peace I need as it seems like Jesus is speaking directly to me.
"Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7
"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." Luke 12:11-12
"Consider the ravens: they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Luke 12:24
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:33-34
"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Luke 12:48
As I cry tears into the boxes in my room, I remember these verses. How can I cry over material things? Me, the least materialistic person you'll ever meet!! But, have you ever faced the reality of selling or giving away most of your belongings and packing the rest in boxes that must fit in a 10x12 room? It's exhilarating and somewhat frightening.
But then again, how could I be afraid or sad about this when it's what Jesus commands? Jesus sacrificed so much for me and I am more than willing to give up my possessions, apartment and job to serve Him in Haiti. He is worth it all!! I need to let controlling Sarah be pushed to the side, let God take over every detail and flee from fear and anxiety. My heart is overflowing with excitement about serving in the country God has placed on my heart! My worries, fears and anxiety are all calmed by the arms of God, as he guides me to where I'm supposed to be.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Mwen ale Ayiti!!
Translated Title: I'm going to Haiti!
Just over a week ago, my mom's boss sent me an email suggesting I contact Helping Hurting Children about a summer internship they were offering. After sharing my story with the director of this organization, they asked that I fill out an application and come on board. Last week I purchased my airfare so it is REALLY happening!
I will be there for six weeks, learning from missionaries that are already on the field. I will help lead short-term trips as well as love on children in the orphanage and teach English, Bible and health classes. I will also be going to smaller villages to do revival services for children.
This God-given adventure starts on May 26th, so I don't have much time to get everything settled here in the States. I will be selling all of my worldly possessions as Luke 18:22 commands and follow the call to live and serve in Haiti. So, if you are interested in furniture I am selling a love seat, cherry wood triple dresser, night stand and Lazyboy recliner! :)
Telling people about this adventure has been met with mixed responses. I had one person offer to give the money I paid for the airfare so I will stay here. Many people think Haiti isn't very safe (in certain places) and they are right, but how can I be afraid if this is where God has called me? It is more dangerous for me to be in Dallas and be outside of God's will than for me to be in Haiti. There is no ounce of fear in me, but if it ever creeps in, there are 365 verses in the Bible urging me not to be afraid. My favorite is Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Other people have been fully supportive and really excited. First of all, I am very lucky to have my family's support in this! My mom and dad have raised my sister and I to have a heart for the poor and all nations so this isn't a surprise to them. My mom was the one who urged me to sell all my possessions so I could more easily answer God's call!! Not too many mothers would do that. My friends and family friends have also been very supportive. In order to answer this call, I am raising support and one offering has stood out above the rest so far. One of my dad's coworkers offered $5. At first I thought that was strange, but found out it was all he had in his wallet. He gave ALL he had, like the widow who gave her last penny in the Bible. It really touched my heart!! I also have a coworker who is from Haiti and has been giving me Creole lessons and telling me about his home country. I love how he lights up when talking about Haiti and I look forward to our talks every week. His family has also graciously accepted me into their own for Easter this year so I can learn Haitian traditions, culture and eat their yummy food. I hope it is my first of many Haitian Easters!
As I continue to prepare for this trip, please keep me in your prayers. I am still about $1,000 short of the internship expenses. I have faith that God will provide for me to answer the call he has placed on my life. If you feel led to give, please message me or comment so I can send you my contact information. Please keep me in your prayers during the time I'm in Haiti. As much as I love the beautiful country of Haiti, I know there will be hard days where I will miss my family and American luxuries we all take for granted (air conditioning, internet, phone, etc.). Please pray that I will always stay encouraged and remember my purpose for being there. Also pray for my health. The last thing I need is to get sick and be sidelined from the work I am there to do.
I will continue to update this blog with fundraising and trip progress until I leave. Thank you for your prayers and support! My readers, family and friends are THE BEST! :)
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Next Steps
Last weekend I had the privilege of attending a missions conference at the Dallas Theological Seminary, where the Lord revealed SO much about this journey and myself.
I went in that room with a lot of questions on my mind and in walked a man who had served as a missionary (or "international worker" as they would like to be called now) in Haiti for 12 years!! Denny immediately hugged me, dubbed me Haitian Sarah and told all about Haiti and his time there. It was great to hear real stories and truth rather than stories that are sometimes sugar-coated. Having him sit near me during the weekend calmed my fears and questioning.
Friday evening was full of a lot of information. I had gone into this journey with some doubt about how God could clear the path of student loans for me to be able to get to Haiti. I know that God is SO MUCH bigger than any circumstance, but my little pea brain thinks about the details. The first session was full of verses that calmed that and below are two that stuck out:
Psalm 138:8- The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for You made me.
Philippians 1:6 - Be confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
As if that wasn't convicting enough, we talked about how God works through us. The speaker warned of international workers making ministry more about themselves and personal glory rather than giving all that glory to God. Wow! When I got home, my roommate asked how the first night went and I broke into tears. Was I romanticizing living in Haiti? Was I staying focused on God's glory? As I reflected on my calling and the last few weeks, my stories had a lot of "I" and "me" and not enough GOD. He's the real reason I want to go to Haiti. I want to make the name of Jesus famous in a land of voodoo, not to make my family proud or be the first to bring clean water or female education to a village.
Day two was even more eye-opening. We started the day out with singing praise a capella as natural sunlight filled the tiny room. It was really beautiful to hear 20 people sing to the God we were willing to go to the ends of the earth to serve. Our first session was on "the call" and if it was a real thing. I know I was called at the age of 15 to ministry so this was a challenging session. We talked about how EVERY Christian has a call to spread the good news (The Great Commission), but some are called for specific purposes/places. I have always struggled with how to answer the question, "how do you KNOW that you were called to missions and to Haiti of all places?" My answer of "I just know because the Lord told me" has always been met with strange looks. haha But this conference provided a fabulous response: "Like a stone in their shoe, it is ever on their minds no matter where they go or what they do." PERFECTION!
Throughout the day, we talked about church connections, the role of an agency, what it means to make disciples and how to choose an agency. My favorite part of the day was the time with mentors where everyone could ask questions and talk openly about their desires and concerns. This is when Denny and I huddled up and spoke more about Haitian life, food and service. He was so excited to share his experiences and I was eager to learn all I could. After searching endlessly for Haitians in the Dallas area, I had found two within two weeks and Denny told me of a group of eight that attend the seminary. Wow!
In our last session, the speaker spoke about our challenge as Christians and international workers. He flashed different products from all over the world on the screen. Some were unrecognizable because they were just in one or two countries, but then a Coke bottle popped up on the screen. Of course everyone knew that product. Did you know that 94% of the world has access to Coca Cola? Yes, even the areas where water is unavailable or in tribal villages. Did you know there are also 2.9 billion people who have NEVER heard the name of Jesus and the Gospel? Coca Cola has gotten something right that Christianity hasn't: universal availability. It made me sick to my stomach to hear that. The conference finished up with the challenge to die to self every day and to make the Gospel known across all nations.
The weekend was very filling and convicting. It ended with me proclaiming my next steps of talking with an elder from Watermark about my decision, learning Creole from the people I have met and researching agencies that send to Haiti. I also have a new accountability partner in Denny and he is excited to walk through this process with me. If you would also like to walk through this process with me, continue to check this blog for updates and you can personally contribute to this process here:
This is the Go Fund Me page where I am raising funds to go on a trip to Haiti in June. Thanks for reading and for your support!!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
God is tired of me telling Him to "hold on!'
Has God ever told you to do something and you told Him to "hold on?" Well, I have done just that for the last ten years and I think He's had enough!
When I was 15, I had a call to missions placed on my heart and I surrendered my life to that call upon returning home from my first mission trip. Then, I took matters into my hands and told God to "hold on" while I pursued my dream of going to college and earning a degree. While I know there is something to take out of my time at Baylor, the last three years has only led to frustration over whether to follow my chosen career path or my calling.
I can no longer be frustrated because within the last two weeks, God has moved swiftly and made it known that He's tired of me putting His plan to the side!! Let me tell you how God has shown up lately:
1. Last fall I was offered an internship where I would live and work in Haiti for two months. I unfortunately turned down that opportunity. Last Monday would have been the day I left the US and my heart was full of regret weeks before that date. The week before, I received a message from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile. The message was only, "when is your next trip to Haiti?" That's it.....then I didn't hear from him for a week.
2. I had a water emergency in my apartment that Saturday and my landlord came over to fix it. When he arrived, he looked puzzled and asked, "why are you here? I thought you were supposed to be on the mission field." I was shocked! I didn't tell him about Haiti. Unbeknown to me, my roommate had told him, but I thought that was a message from God.
3. On my way to The Porch on Tuesday, I received a text from my mom that was a sure message from God:
When I was 15, I had a call to missions placed on my heart and I surrendered my life to that call upon returning home from my first mission trip. Then, I took matters into my hands and told God to "hold on" while I pursued my dream of going to college and earning a degree. While I know there is something to take out of my time at Baylor, the last three years has only led to frustration over whether to follow my chosen career path or my calling.
I can no longer be frustrated because within the last two weeks, God has moved swiftly and made it known that He's tired of me putting His plan to the side!! Let me tell you how God has shown up lately:
1. Last fall I was offered an internship where I would live and work in Haiti for two months. I unfortunately turned down that opportunity. Last Monday would have been the day I left the US and my heart was full of regret weeks before that date. The week before, I received a message from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile. The message was only, "when is your next trip to Haiti?" That's it.....then I didn't hear from him for a week.
2. I had a water emergency in my apartment that Saturday and my landlord came over to fix it. When he arrived, he looked puzzled and asked, "why are you here? I thought you were supposed to be on the mission field." I was shocked! I didn't tell him about Haiti. Unbeknown to me, my roommate had told him, but I thought that was a message from God.
3. On my way to The Porch on Tuesday, I received a text from my mom that was a sure message from God:
"You need to defer your half of the loans and let us drive your car and you go where you need to go. Pray about it."
Wow!! In the middle of Dallas rush hour traffic, I started crying. She knew I was called to Haiti the moment I got in the car when she picked me up at the airport last year after my trip to Ferrier. It's amazing how God can soften everyone's hearts and pull things together at the perfect time.
4. On Thursday I went to work and spoke with the missions pastor. I wanted to know if there were any Haitian churches, neighborhoods or people he knew of in the Dallas area. Not only did he know of one, but the intern in pastoral care is from Haiti. Of course, God! I went down the hall and introduced myself. His face lit up and his accent appeared the moment I showed interest in his home country. His family still observes Haitian culture and he's even teaching his children Creole. Wow! I had been praying, asking God to show me the purpose for my job at First Dallas and here it was. This man offered to teach me Creole and to come over for dinner so he and his wife could teach me the culture and eat traditional Haitian food. Praise the Lord! ( I LOVE Haitian food!)
5. This man also gave me a contact name of a friend of his that is moving to Haiti next year. Later in the day Thursday, the intern came to my desk and said after calling his friend, he found out there was a missions fair with 40 agencies at Dallas Theological Seminary that day and Friday and I should go. I went Friday morning and met the friend. Thursday evening I had contacted a missions agency about a conference they were having at the end of the month for people going through the steps of getting into international missions. When I met this man, he was traveling through this agency! Another God thing there! He was able to answer the questions I had that day.
Needless to say, God is moving in BIG ways. I know it's all Him because, although I think about Haiti every single day, I wasn't fervently pursuing moving there right now. God has other plans and I am now ready to buy a one-way ticket. Currently I am praying about where exactly the Lord wants me and what I should be doing. I have connections and have traveled to the northern part of Haiti, but for some reason, I feel like God is wanting me in the south. This is blowing my mind because I have no connections there. My passions are clean water and women's rights/education. Right now, I'm leaning more towards spreading the gospel through women's rights/education.
As my friends, family and readers I want to ask for your support. Please be praying that God would reveal where He wants me in Haiti, what to do and for how long. There are still a lot of questions, but one thing is for sure: I'm supposed to be in the beautiful country of Haiti long-term and I'm SO EXCITED! If you feel led to financially support me in any way through this, please comment or contact me. I will know more about finances after the conference this month, but it's never too early to get started. Thank you in advance for the support, whether that's through money or prayers, and/or both!
5. This man also gave me a contact name of a friend of his that is moving to Haiti next year. Later in the day Thursday, the intern came to my desk and said after calling his friend, he found out there was a missions fair with 40 agencies at Dallas Theological Seminary that day and Friday and I should go. I went Friday morning and met the friend. Thursday evening I had contacted a missions agency about a conference they were having at the end of the month for people going through the steps of getting into international missions. When I met this man, he was traveling through this agency! Another God thing there! He was able to answer the questions I had that day.
Needless to say, God is moving in BIG ways. I know it's all Him because, although I think about Haiti every single day, I wasn't fervently pursuing moving there right now. God has other plans and I am now ready to buy a one-way ticket. Currently I am praying about where exactly the Lord wants me and what I should be doing. I have connections and have traveled to the northern part of Haiti, but for some reason, I feel like God is wanting me in the south. This is blowing my mind because I have no connections there. My passions are clean water and women's rights/education. Right now, I'm leaning more towards spreading the gospel through women's rights/education.
As my friends, family and readers I want to ask for your support. Please be praying that God would reveal where He wants me in Haiti, what to do and for how long. There are still a lot of questions, but one thing is for sure: I'm supposed to be in the beautiful country of Haiti long-term and I'm SO EXCITED! If you feel led to financially support me in any way through this, please comment or contact me. I will know more about finances after the conference this month, but it's never too early to get started. Thank you in advance for the support, whether that's through money or prayers, and/or both!
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Turning Over a New Leaf
Hmmm how else do I put this? 2014 hasn't started out the way I thought it would.
My last post was full of so much hope and excitement for this year and I honestly thought it would be the best year yet. But instead, the first few weeks of 2014 have truly been the hardest weeks of my life. There have been changes that were unexpected and have honestly made me feel like I'm having a crisis...at the age of 24 (almost 25). Quarter-life crisis, maybe?!
Probably the thing I was most excited about in 2014 was my budding relationship with my boyfriend. We had already made so many plans for the future and enjoyed being around each other as much as possible. Without divulging details, that relationship came to a screeching halt in late January with no warning. It was a complete shock to me and my heart still hasn't recovered. The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23). I tend to dive deep into relationships rather quickly and give it my all. I definitely need to be more guarded from now on.
Not too long after another change occurred, this time at work. My boss gave his two weeks notice the first part of February after taking a pastoral job at his church. While I am SUPER happy and excited for him, I was very sad to see him leave. He was, hands down, the best boss I have ever had. Never have I been able to go in my boss's office and talk about things we both share a passion for like I could with him. It was refreshing to have a job that didn't really feel like work.
After giving his notice, my job was up in the air because the church didn't know who they would hire or if I would have the opportunity to be promoted. At this time, I found myself in a place I never thought I would be in: A Baylor graduate with a 4.0 major GPA, fighting for a part-time job with no benefits and living paycheck to paycheck. After having a small panic attack, I put more pressure on myself as I waited to hear if they would promote a woman or hire from outside. To make a long story short, they hired someone from outside and I'm teaching him his new duties. After these changes, I needed a break to restore myself and have some fun!
I bought a plane ticket and flew to New Jersey to visit my best friend, Kate. This is where the title of this post comes in. She has also recently gone through some rough transitions. While out shopping in Princeton, we went into a jewelry store and decided to buy friendship rings. After trying on a few, we both loved a leaf style that wrapped around the finger.
After purchasing them, we declared the meaning as turning over a new leaf and starting over. We both need a fresh start and the girl's weekend was the perfect new beginning!! That weekend was such a refresher for my mind, spirit and heart!
Coming back to work last week was somewhat of a rough transition. There are still some hurt feelings there and I'm trying to get used to a new boss while also taking on more duties. Working for a church is no walk in the park. It is the hardest job I've ever had. Not the hardest task-wise, just the effects it has on my mind and spirituality. In my personal life, I'm turning over a new leaf by realizing what I deserve as a Godly woman and what I want for myself. Looking back, I realize that some of my passions were being pushed back and I can turn over a new leaf and dig even deeper into them. I'm trying not to worry about my quarter-life crisis and just let God take care of it. Easier said than done, right?! My mom said something that stuck with me this week:
She's so right, especially for myself! No more worrying. I have to just give it to God and trust that everything is in control and where I am is part of the perfect plan for my life. Everything I have gone through so far in 2014 has a purpose and me worrying about it isn't going to change anything, except make me more stressed.
So it's time to do like my ring and turn over a new leaf!! Please be in prayer with/for me as I learn to surrender it all and trust completely.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
My last post was full of so much hope and excitement for this year and I honestly thought it would be the best year yet. But instead, the first few weeks of 2014 have truly been the hardest weeks of my life. There have been changes that were unexpected and have honestly made me feel like I'm having a crisis...at the age of 24 (almost 25). Quarter-life crisis, maybe?!
Probably the thing I was most excited about in 2014 was my budding relationship with my boyfriend. We had already made so many plans for the future and enjoyed being around each other as much as possible. Without divulging details, that relationship came to a screeching halt in late January with no warning. It was a complete shock to me and my heart still hasn't recovered. The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23). I tend to dive deep into relationships rather quickly and give it my all. I definitely need to be more guarded from now on.
Not too long after another change occurred, this time at work. My boss gave his two weeks notice the first part of February after taking a pastoral job at his church. While I am SUPER happy and excited for him, I was very sad to see him leave. He was, hands down, the best boss I have ever had. Never have I been able to go in my boss's office and talk about things we both share a passion for like I could with him. It was refreshing to have a job that didn't really feel like work.
After giving his notice, my job was up in the air because the church didn't know who they would hire or if I would have the opportunity to be promoted. At this time, I found myself in a place I never thought I would be in: A Baylor graduate with a 4.0 major GPA, fighting for a part-time job with no benefits and living paycheck to paycheck. After having a small panic attack, I put more pressure on myself as I waited to hear if they would promote a woman or hire from outside. To make a long story short, they hired someone from outside and I'm teaching him his new duties. After these changes, I needed a break to restore myself and have some fun!
I bought a plane ticket and flew to New Jersey to visit my best friend, Kate. This is where the title of this post comes in. She has also recently gone through some rough transitions. While out shopping in Princeton, we went into a jewelry store and decided to buy friendship rings. After trying on a few, we both loved a leaf style that wrapped around the finger.
After purchasing them, we declared the meaning as turning over a new leaf and starting over. We both need a fresh start and the girl's weekend was the perfect new beginning!! That weekend was such a refresher for my mind, spirit and heart!
Coming back to work last week was somewhat of a rough transition. There are still some hurt feelings there and I'm trying to get used to a new boss while also taking on more duties. Working for a church is no walk in the park. It is the hardest job I've ever had. Not the hardest task-wise, just the effects it has on my mind and spirituality. In my personal life, I'm turning over a new leaf by realizing what I deserve as a Godly woman and what I want for myself. Looking back, I realize that some of my passions were being pushed back and I can turn over a new leaf and dig even deeper into them. I'm trying not to worry about my quarter-life crisis and just let God take care of it. Easier said than done, right?! My mom said something that stuck with me this week:
"Why do we, as Christians, worry when we believe God is in control of all aspects
of our lives? No matter how many times I give it to God, I usually reach back for it one more time."
She's so right, especially for myself! No more worrying. I have to just give it to God and trust that everything is in control and where I am is part of the perfect plan for my life. Everything I have gone through so far in 2014 has a purpose and me worrying about it isn't going to change anything, except make me more stressed.
So it's time to do like my ring and turn over a new leaf!! Please be in prayer with/for me as I learn to surrender it all and trust completely.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
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