Turning Over a New Leaf

Hmmm how else do I put this? 2014 hasn't started out the way I thought it would.

My last post was full of so much hope and excitement for this year and I honestly thought it would be the best year yet. But instead, the first few weeks of 2014 have truly been the hardest weeks of my life. There have been changes that were unexpected and have honestly made me feel like I'm having a crisis...at the age of 24 (almost 25). Quarter-life crisis, maybe?!

Probably the thing I was most excited about in 2014 was my budding relationship with my boyfriend. We had already made so many plans for the future and enjoyed being around each other as much as possible. Without divulging details, that relationship came to a screeching halt in late January with no warning. It was a complete shock to me and my heart still hasn't recovered. The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23). I tend to dive deep into relationships rather quickly and give it my all. I definitely need to be more guarded from now on.

Not too long after another change occurred, this time at work. My boss gave his two weeks notice the first part of February after taking a pastoral job at his church. While I am SUPER happy and excited for him, I was very sad to see him leave. He was, hands down, the best boss I have ever had. Never have I been able to go in my boss's office and talk about things we both share a passion for like I could with him. It was refreshing to have a job that didn't really feel like work.

After giving his notice, my job was up in the air because the church didn't know who they would hire or if I would have the opportunity to be promoted. At this time, I found myself in a place I never thought I would be in: A Baylor graduate with a 4.0 major GPA, fighting for a part-time job with no benefits and living paycheck to paycheck. After having a small panic attack, I put more pressure on myself as I waited to hear if they would promote a woman or hire from outside. To make a long story short, they hired someone from outside and I'm teaching him his new duties. After these changes, I needed a break to restore myself and have some fun!

I bought a plane ticket and flew to New Jersey to visit my best friend, Kate. This is where the title of this post comes in. She has also recently gone through some rough transitions. While out shopping in Princeton, we went into a jewelry store and decided to buy friendship rings. After trying on a few, we both loved a leaf style that wrapped around the finger.

After purchasing them, we declared the meaning as turning over a new leaf and starting over. We both need a fresh start and the girl's weekend was the perfect new beginning!! That weekend was such a refresher for my mind, spirit and heart!

Coming back to work last week was somewhat of a rough transition. There are still some hurt feelings there and I'm trying to get used to a new boss while also taking on more duties. Working for a church is no walk in the park. It is the hardest job I've ever had. Not the hardest task-wise, just the effects it has on my mind and spirituality. In my personal life, I'm turning over a new leaf by realizing what I deserve as a Godly woman and what I want for myself. Looking back, I realize that some of my passions were being pushed back and I can turn over a new leaf and dig even deeper into them. I'm trying not to worry about my quarter-life crisis and just let God take care of it. Easier said than done, right?! My mom said something that stuck with me this week:

"Why do we, as Christians, worry when we believe God is in control of all aspects

of our lives? No matter how many times I give it to God, I usually reach back for it one more time."

She's so right, especially for myself! No more worrying. I have to just give it to God and trust that everything is in control and where I am is part of the perfect plan for my life. Everything I have gone through so far in 2014 has a purpose and me worrying about it isn't going to change anything, except make me more stressed.

So it's time to do like my ring and turn over a new leaf!! Please be in prayer with/for me as I learn to surrender it all and trust completely.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Closing Out a Year of Change

Today is the last day of another year. As many others are writing their wrap-ups, I hope mine isn't another one just cluttering up your feed.

2013 was truly a year of change for me.

New travels and adventures
New job
New boyfriend
New apartment
New roommate
New friends
New community group
New church

Like I said, LOTS of changes. You know how Facebook does that year in review thing? They perfectly captured all of my 'news.' I love going back and looking at that to see everything that happened this year. Some of the posts bring on great memories and smiles, while others bring a heavy heart and sadness.

I'm not going to harp on the bad for too long, because after six months, I no longer see them as being so bad. My life was wrecked by two events within one month back in early summer. My trip to Haiti opened my eyes to how different life is outside of the United States. To how blessed I am and also how much I take for granted. In the process of being wrecked from what I saw and experienced, I also became friends with some wonderful Haitians and with the people in my group. Social media has allowed me to keep in contact with them and I am so thankful for that. On this trip I also got to spend time with a wonderful family I have heard so much about and looked up to my whole life (the Dorrell's). I really connected with one of them in particular and wanted to learn all about his experience living in Haiti, learning Creole and working with the Haitians. Seth had previously given up his blessed life in America and moved to Ferrier with his wife and daughter. Unfortunately he had to return home because he was diagnosed with cancer. Seth was in remission while we were in Haiti and was always keeping people on their toes and making us laugh. I had so many questions for him and enjoyed talking with him.

Almost three weeks after we returned to the United States, the Lord called Seth home. The combination of the absolute poverty I experienced and Seth's death made me incredibly sad and question a lot. Why would God take someone from the earth who was doing so much good for Him? He was so young and had a family. Why was there so much suffering, death and poverty in the world and it seems hardly anyone cares?  Even now there are days when I get sad and angry, but then I realize I'm being selfish. Only a week ago I stopped questioning God and being angry. This wreck and bad thing was turning into a blessing. While I still have so many questions I wish I could ask Seth, I know that he's no longer suffering. He isn't sick anymore and his body is healed. Also, the work he started in Ferrier can continue through me. I look forward to going back to Ferrier in 2014. There will probably be a little bit of sadness as I remember this year's trip, but also pure joy because I will be back in the country I love SO MUCH!

2013 was full of change, but a very good year. My heart was opened up and changed. My passion and compassion for the poor is even stronger and I look for new ways to serve "the least of these" every day. My life is less about me and more world and Christ-centered. I can only account this to my first new thing in 2013 and look forward to making that adventure a yearly one. I look forward to growing my new friendships, joining my new church and getting more involved, making awesome memories with my roommate and continuing the relationship with my amazing boyfriend while looking to the future. If you had told me last January what this year would hold, I probably wouldn't have believed you. I'm excited about the experiences and memories I will make in 2014!!!

Happy New Year!!

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Are you reading a hole-y Gospel?

I am a big reader and love any book about missions or religion. My boss has taken notice of my passion for these genres and recommended a book titled "The Hole in Our Gospel: What Does God Expect from Us?"

Last night while reading, a certain chapter rocked my world. The title of my blog is also my favorite Bible verse (Matthew 25:40) and this chapter covered the entire 25th chapter as well as Isaiah 58, which is my second favorite section of the Bible. I marveled at the fact that an entire chapter of this book was about these two chapters. It's like it was written for me.

To start the chapter, the author began with a question: Are you willing to be open to God's will for your life?

Are we really, myself included, willing to be open to what God wants? Are we willing to let Him rock us to the core and take us to places we never thought we'd go?

This led me to ask myself that question. What does God expect of me? And what exactly is His will for my life? These questions are answered in Isaiah 58 and Matthew 25 as well as the verse below.

                "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

              To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

  Micah 6:8

Many unbelievers think that Christianity is very legalistic and there are too many rules. In Isaiah 58, God points out that the people of Israel were following these rules and seemed to be eager for God, but in fact they were angry with God. God is not satisfied with rituals and rules when the hearts of the people are corrupt. So what truly pleases God?

                                    Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

                 to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,

  to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

            Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him,

                        and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

v. 6-7

The true Gospel, what God really wants, is for us to be a people and society who stands for justice, fairness and love for the poor. So many times I have seen people go out of their way to go around a homeless person or others turn their cheek to a mentally disabled person. God's desire for his people to be full of compassion continues in Matthew 25.

In verses 31-46, Christ separates people on the judgment day into two groups: sheep and goats. What is interesting is that the groups are not separated based on their belief in Christ, but in how the sheep acted in open and loving ways toward the hungry, poor, sick, vulnerable and imprisoned. The people otherwise known as "the least of these."

This is a passage we can easily cut from our Bibles and is rarely preached in church (the hole-y Gospel). Why? Because it makes us uncomfortable. We think homeless people are dirty and smelly or the poor and hungry are just lazy. But guess what? Christ's biggest concern was for the poor!

The author, Richard E. Stearns, paraphrased these verses for modern times:

 

        "For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

That paraphrase gave me chills. It makes the verses seem more personal, more real. How many times have I been that person who turns away? God has given me so much, but I don't share like I should.

Daily I struggle with how much God has given me. Yes, I only work part-time, but I am surviving. I don't go without food, I have shelter over my head and clothes to cover my body. I also have "luxuries" that millions across the globe don't have, like clean water to drink and brush my teeth with and a toilet.

If God is calling us to live this way-to live like Christ-then why aren't more churches preaching this? Why aren't more Christians getting involved with social justice and helping the poor at times other than Thanksgiving and Christmas?

We are being taught a hole-y Gospel. One that has over 2,000 verses about serving the poor and "least of these" cut out. In the Old and New Testament, there is proof of God's concern for the poor and marginalized. Throughout the Bible, we see that our proof of being a Christian is whether or not we care for those in need. And Matthew 25:40 is Christ proclaiming that when we care for those in need, we are actually caring for Christ.

That is the whole gospel.

My challenge to you is to ask yourself daily, "what can I do to serve and obey Christ?" and "I want to be open to Your will, not mine." You'd be surprised at the opportunities to love and serve that will arise when you become open to Him. I've been surprised at the encounters and opportunities I've had.


"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

URGENT NEED

Have you ever told yourself, "I'm only one person. How can I make a difference?" or "How will my voice ever be heard?" I told myself that TODAY. Silly, silly, silly. How else do revolutions start?!? One person has an amazing (or terrible) idea and others jump on board. Today I was forwarded an email that absolutely crushed my heart and made me want to spring into action.

But I'm only one person, right?

But....I know at least 100 people. And each of those people know another 100 or so people. And those people know another 100 and so on. Eventually this could be national news and that one person DOES, in fact, have a voice that can be heard!

Now on to this email....

Some of my family members attend First Baptist Maypearl, a church that supports a missionary named Jacques who lives and works in Haiti. He sent an urgent email to his supporters on Sunday expressing his concern for his safety, the safety of the children at his orphanage, the Bible school and sewing school ministries he runs. As some of you may or may not know, Haiti is an extremely corrupt country and has been for quite some time. The government has been fairly quiet since most of the aid from the earthquake left the country, or so I thought.

According to Jacques, counterfeit land title people, lawyers and thugs supposedly sent by the government are coming to his town demanding a ransom for their land or else they will be forcibly evacuated. Jacques has authentic titles showing his ownership of the land, but the these people don't care! They have made multiple threats saying if he doesn't pay them, then he and the children will be evicted. Jacques has reached out to the Haitian president's family and they have offered no help and actually expect him to negotiate with the thugs.

These thugs have already demolished part of the land and construction that Jacques has purchased to continue building onto the ministries. They have told Jacques they will be back later this week to kick everyone out of the orphanage unless Jacques complies with their demands. Jacques said he felt like he was bothering others by asking for help in this trying time, but my heart can't fathom what would happen to him and these children if they are evicted.

According to a report released last week, Haiti ranks second in the amount of slaves per population. SECOND!!  Most of these slaves are children. My heart breaks at the thought of almost 100 orphans being evicted from the orphanage Jacques runs. I don't want to think about this possibility, but....

So, what can we do? This corruption started with one man named "Papa Doc" many, many years ago. If one person can cause all this evil and somehow gain supporters, then one person can gain more supporters to bring an end to this evil and protect Jacques, the orphans and his city.

First, let's cover Jacques and the orphans under his care with prayers. This has got to be the darkest hour of the life the Lord has called him to.

Second: Post this to your Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Send this information to your prayer partners, friends and family. Talk about it with anyone you can.

Third: Write or call someone who has power to put pressure on the government. Know a city, state or national official? Call them and please share their information in the comments.

This needs to be national news!! How can a "democratic" government do this to its people? I personally love this country and all of its problems, but this is scary and ridiculous. It's time for us to use our voice to put an end to violence, slavery and corruption!!

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless..." Isaiah 1:17


"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?"

Isaiah 58:6

August was CRAZY!

Warning: This post is about to get REALLY REAL!

On August 2nd I went to a Chinese food restaurant and got a fortune that read, "New and rewarding opportunities will soon develop for you." Little did I know that the month of August would change my life and be a roller coaster ride, full of lots of peaks and valleys.

August 1: Chris and I are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. This man is a wonderful blessing in my life. I couldn't ask for a more Godly man to take on life with. He treats me like a queen, makes me laugh and he LOVES Jesus! What more could I ask for? He was also there for me when I fell into my first valley.

August 8: I suddenly lost my job at Bosworth Steel. Although I had been praying for a new job for months, I wanted to have another job before leaving this one, but I guess God had other plans. I was too comfortable there and He slammed that door in my face. My family and Chris were calm and actually laughed when I shared the news that I lost my job. Chris came over to my house that night armed with his Bible. He came in, didn't say a word or touch me, walked over to my bed and read Scripture to me. The Lord has such bigger plans for my life and I was letting too many things get in the way of pursuing what He wanted. Now I had the opportunity to focus on what He wanted, not my comfortable "American dream." For the first few days, I was actually pretty calm as I leaned on my family, friends and dug into the Word. Then I got scared, angry and started to question. What was I supposed to do about my bills? Why would God leave me with no income? What was I supposed to do now? After college, it took me over a year to find a job and during that time I fell into depression. It didn't take long for me to start slipping back into that. There were days where I was happy and could easily hide my inner emotions, and other days where I wanted to stay in my room, be in my pj's, cried and didn't want to do anything. Thankfully two of my best friends, Kate and Cynthia, knew about this and checked on me frequently. Thank you ladies! I love you both SO much!! Your encouragement during this month has helped keep me sane. :)

During the days when everyone else was working or in class, I'll be honest, I struggled with my emotions. Not only was I upset about not having a job, but I was also questioning my future. Then I got this in the mail:

My heart absolutely longs to be in Haiti. I miss my friends there. I miss the hot Haitian sun, the pesky red dirt, and the refreshing afternoon showers. I miss Jeniflo. And sweet Bidjins. And there are so many questions I want to ask Seth, but can't. What better reminder could I ask for than for God to send me this charm on the day when I was questioning the most? I had recently started online classes for my teaching certificate and was also teaching myself Creole. Was this why I lost my job? Was it because I was losing focus on my calling?

August 10-11: One of the things that makes me happiest is serving Waco and I had the chance to provide food to over 300 people with Feed America and the Austin Food Bank. Afterward, I went to the Baylor campus, laid on my favorite swing and meditated in Hebrews. It was so nice just to listen to the stillness of an empty campus and hear only the bells from Pat Neff and squirrels running through the grass. I also had the chance to relax at Chris's farm, shoot guns and watch movies in the country. I hardly had any phone reception there and it was great!

August 16-18: Chris had minor surgery on the 16th. It was minor, but that still doesn't keep me from worrying. Over the weekend I was his nurse and couldn't leave him alone, per doctors order.  To keep me from getting upset or nervous, he cracked jokes and made faces. Everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about. After coming off from the drugs, this sweet man surprised me. My former apartment said I still owed the final utility bill and I did not have the money to pay for it. Chris lied to me and paid the bill while I stepped outside to supposedly get his phone out of the car. Sneaky, but such a blessing! This weekend was a blessing and also sometimes hard. We went through something in the first weeks of our relationship that many couples don't go through until much later. Over 48 straight hours together, you get to know A LOT about someone haha

August 19: My best friend, Kate, moved to New Jersey. We have been friends since rooming together my sophomore year at Baylor. I love this girl so much and her friendship has been such a blessing. We have so many memories together at Baylor, Wendy's, dancing, Trojan's, girl's nights, Chuy's and the list goes on. I'm going to miss hanging out with her in Dallas, but am so happy for the new chapter she's beginning in New Jersey.

August 28: A day after my interview, I was offered a job at First Baptist Dallas. Over the past few months, I felt the desire to get into the ministry and feel this is the perfect way to get my foot in the door. I'm so excited to see how God uses me in this new role! I prayed that I would have a job by September 1 and can't think of a better place to work and start this new phase in my professional life.

August 29: I received an email in the early morning asking me to meet at Watermark Church at 1 for a meeting. A few weeks earlier, I had signed up to write for The Porch, but never heard back from anyone. At this meeting I learned that someone had read my blog/writing and said I was gifted. Instead of writing for The Porch, I will be on a team of other people using their gifts and writing for Watermark!! Their ideas of how to reach people using a blog is brilliant and I can't wait to be a part of it.

Needless to say, the month of August has been rough on my emotions, heart and relationship with God. There were days where I seriously questioned Him and got angry. If you know me, you know I'm fiercely independent and it's hard to ask for help, even from the one person I need most. In the three weeks where I was unemployed, I had to learn to trust Him and know that He knows what's best for me and has a bigger and better plan than I could ever imagine on my own. It was also nice to see His handiwork when I went to California for a long weekend. Marveling at the beautiful waves as they crashed on the sand made me realize that if He crafted the oceans and every grain of sand, then He can easily mold and use me.

I'm so ready for August to be over and to start my new job and new life September 3. I'm continuing to seek God's plan for my life and anxiously wait to see what's in store for the rest of the year and 2014. As I said in a previous post, the plan is still for me to live in Haiti for a few weeks next year. I will also continue my teaching certification and pray for more opportunities for me to serve in Dallas and the U.S.

"Why do you do it?"

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question, I'd be a millionaire. "Why do you do it?" 'It' is referring to service, specifically at Dallas LIFE homeless shelter. The most recent time I was asked this question was Wednesday night.

As I sat on the couch with my head held low and cupped in my hands in frustration, the guy I've been dating asked the million-dollar question. "If you feel like this, then why do you do it?" I pushed my hair back, leaned up, looked into his eyes and gave him a small smile. "Because I love them and we need each other!"

'Them' is referring to the precious kids I've gotten to know during the month of July in the reading program. As much as I love them, they also drive me crazy at times! Haha One of these times was Wednesday night. For the first time since beginning to volunteer there in October 2012, I lost my cool. After being bitten, slapped on the arm and not listened to, I lined up every child and marched them down to the security office. Despite my frustration, my heart broke as they looked up at me with sad and confused eyes. All but three got in trouble and as I turned my back and left the office, I knew they'd see me differently.

But I love them! Jesus loves them! And we all need reprimanding and grace.

Walking out of Dallas LIFE that night was one of the hardest and most upsetting things I've had to do. I was mad, frustrated, hurt and sad, all at the same time. Is this how God feels when he reprimands us? We're His children and don't always listen to Him. We fight Him on a daily basis and ignore His words and advice, which leads us to trouble and consequences. When we are caught up in the trouble we brought on ourselves, we often question God and it has to break His heart. But he shows grace. Abounding, wonderful grace. He picks us up and comes back for us. No matter what we do, how much we fight or push back, He will never leave us.

I am in NO WAY comparing myself to God, but I am going to show just a sliver of the grace that He gives. The head of security was concerned I may not come back, but nothing these kids do will keep me from coming back to Dallas LIFE. Sure, I was frustrated and wanted to pull my hair out, but those kids have my heart. What I have with them far outweighs one bad night and I'm pretty sure I need them more than they need me.

So why do I do it? Making bean bag forts is fun. You're never too old to color, watch Disney movies or build with Lego's. Singing Beyonce songs at the top of your lungs in the library is more fun than reading (shhh!). Being in a room full of giggles and squeals makes my heart smile. Helping a child learn to read is a great reward. Hugs from little people are the best!

Because the same Jesus who died for my sins is the same Jesus who died for their sins and they need to know that. If I don't tell them, then who will? I can't imagine growing up in a homeless shelter and feeling sad and hopeless at times. My desire is to provide them an escape and to teach them about the love, grace and hope they have in Christ. THAT is why I do it!!

The Power of One

One is the loneliest number? But what if "one" could turn your world upside down and change your life?

One smile: It's a sweltering afternoon in Ferrier, Haiti and a small girl in a purple crushed velvet dress wanders into the guest house. Her hair is full of blue bows; part of her school uniform from earlier in the day. Her thin body wanders over to where our group is meeting and takes a seat on the bench next to me. I look over and she looks back up at me and gives the most beautiful smile. Her white teeth stand out against her dark skin as she shyly says hello. Jeniflo. Her smile melted my heart and from that moment on, she was my buddy for the remainder of the trip. I visited her during recess at school and afternoons were full of talking, learning Creole, singing and drawing on the front porch. One smile was all it took.

One week: It's only 2% of a year, but it can affect the other 98%. One week was all it took to confirm my love. One week of dirt roads, cold showers, laughter, the cutest children, solar panels, extremely hot weather, water pumps, tears, worshiping, giant bugs, riding all forms of transportation (motorcycle, walking, bed of a pickup, horse, airplane and hitchhiking), different foods, spotty electricity, new friendships and serving. One week of living in Ferrier stole my heart forever.

One person: A servant's heart that brought the Kingdom to earth. Gave up his comfortable life in America to serve "the least of these" in Ferrier. An inspiring heart and willingness to serve every single day, despite how he was feeling. His dry, witty and sarcastic humor provided laughs throughout the entire trip. Absolutely losing it in a fit of tears from laughter at lunch in Turks and laughing at me as I was escorted away for more security checks at the airport. Seth Dorrell. A life that ended too soon, but ONE that impacted MANY. One person can change the world and his life is proof.

One month: One month back in the United States. Crazy how fast time flies!! And a lot has changed. The little things I never gave a second thought to before are now blessings. Clean water from the sink to brush my teeth. Air conditioning to keep me cool. Hundreds of options for food. Things I think are necessities, but are actually luxuries for most of the world. One month later and life is uncomfortable in the U.S. Some people say this feeling and emotions will eventually wear off, but I hope it doesn't. God broke my heart and I fell in love with the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Which brings me to a big announcement:

Upon arrival at DFW, my mother immediately knew I was different. "God told you you were supposed to be in Haiti, didn't He?" She was, and is, SO right! Last week I started the process of becoming a full-time missionary. I don't know what the time table looks like for this, but I have signed up for a TESOL class to get started. This would certify me to teach English as a second/optional language overseas. I also had a lunch meeting with some friends who are home on furlough and they gave me wonderful advice and information. While in Haiti, God revealed I could use my passion for empowering women and providing clean water. I am in the process of researching agencies who focus on these issues while spreading the Gospel. Please be in prayer that God would guide me in selecting an agency/mission board, provide the financial means for this new life, give me patience for the process and for my family. Thankfully my immediate family is very supportive of this!!

One smile, one week, one person, one month and one decision changed my life. But one person made this all happen: Jesus Christ. He began molding my heart for this years ago and now it's coming to fruition. While this is an exciting time, I'll be honest, it's also very scary. A lot of things will change. I'll have to give up things I never thought I could. My life will be radically different, but I'm so ready to see what God has planned. Thanks for reading and I hope you will be my prayer warriors and support system through this process! :)