#LoveWins

......actually, love already won. You see, God is Love. He loved so much that he sent his son, Jesus, to die for you on the cross 2,000 years ago. He died for the adulterer, the tax collector, the prostitute, the straight and the homosexual. He died for ALL sinners. LOVE ALREADY WON. Love was hated by many. Love was crucified. But guess what?! That’s not the end of the story. Love ALWAYS wins! Love won over sin. Love defeated the grave. And Love is risen again and preparing a home for you.

 

As I see the hashtag #LoveWins all over social media celebrating the legality of gay marriage, I can’t help but nod in affirmation. Not in affirmation or approval of the court ruling, but that, YES, love wins. Love wins over everything in the end.

 

Christianity has been misconstrued for years to the point where society thinks Christians are a bunch of hateful, closed-minded bigots. That’s far from true! Christianity began out of love. Love for the sinner, love for the lost, love for the hopeless. We are called to love like Jesus did. This doesn’t mean we condone sins. We are ALL sinners, but we don’t hate each other because of it. We love people through it.

 

In the coming days as society pressures Christians to push our beliefs aside and accept gay marriage as the new norm, we must stand up for our faith. We can no longer stand idly by as our government tells us what to believe and accept. The church has been known to thrive in times of persecution (see: Ephesus, Philippi, Corinth and Rome). The persecution will more than likely come as pastors will refuse to officiate gay marriages for the sake of their own religious beliefs. In fact, I’ve already seen some persecution from behind computer screens directed to a pastor at Watermark Community Church in Dallas. Even in this time, Christians should be unashamed of their faith and boldly proclaim the gospel. We need to proclaim this gospel while also speaking grace and kindness. Do not be tempted to anger and to lash out against people who hate your beliefs. They don’t hate you; they hate what you believe. They hate Love.

 

What many who support this new court ruling believe is that your desires don’t have consequences (1 Corinthians 10:23). We are called to obey God, rather than man (Acts 5:29). When we don’t, there will be discipline, much like from a loving earthly father. The Bible says the world will fall to its own desires and God will give us over to ourselves (Romans1:24-32). Just like an earthly father who shakes his head after trying to lead us in the right direction, God will do the same as we give in to our sinful nature. We cannot expect God to bless us as a nation if we turn our cheek to Him. Is America prepared for the discipline God could give?

 

In the end, this world can -and probably will- fall to its own desires of the flesh and hate, but I know that love will STILL win in the end. I’ve read the last chapter and the last page of the Bible. #LoveWins!   

Why Christians are Persecuted in America

I know I haven't posted in a while and this post may ruffle some feathers, but it needs to be said. These things have been heavy on my heart and mind lately.


Many Christian leaders, activists and conservative politicians have complained of Christian persecution in America lately. They claim Christians are under fire for following Biblical teachings and being labeled bigots and ignorant because of it. Church attendance and the Christian church is also in decline. Christian leaders blame it on the media and the need for being politically correct in the ever-changing world of politics and society.


I blame Christians for the persecution. We are misunderstood and have twisted the Great Commandment. As Christians, we are called to LOVE. Recently our faith has been more defined by hate and its willingness to exclude certain people groups. Franklin Graham has called for Christians to boycott gay-friendly organizations. The church is forgiving of Josh Duggar's molestation, but shaming Caitlyn Jenner's transformation. (For the record, I find it detestable that both of these stories are celebrated in the news). These are just a few recent examples.


If we go back to the basic teachings of Jesus, He calls us to love God and love people. Love is sometimes inconvenient and hard, but Jesus still calls for us to love our brothers and sisters. This doesn't mean we condone their sin, but we love them THROUGH it. Jesus loved the adulterer. He loved the tax collector and the thief. He didn't shame them in public and toss them aside. He forgave their sins and accepted and loved them. As Christians and Jesus followers, we are called to do the same thing.


I am just as bad as anyone at this. Sometimes it's hard to love someone when you don't agree with how they're living. Sometimes it's easier to join the masses and say hurtful things about someone who doesn't follow your beliefs. If Christians want to change society's views of the church, then we need to change how we treat people! When we are portrayed as hating people instead of loving them, it's no wonder people are leaving the church and faith.


Instead of boycotting gay-friendly organizations or shaming transgender people, we should LOVE. Love always, never hate. People don't like Christians and the church because we use the Bible to solidify our hatred toward certain people groups. Never once did Jesus say to hate our gay brother and sister. Never once did Jesus tell us to mock transgender people. He ALWAYS told us to love. I, myself, am working on loving people daily. Honestly, it's hard to love some people, but it's worth it because it's what Jesus would do. I always want to portray Jesus in everything I do and say.


So what does this look like? I'm not asking Christians to put the Bible down and accept sinful nature. No, not that at all. Instead of using Bible verses to shut people down in hate, use the Bible as a way to rebuke sin and love the sinner. Remember the saying hate the sin, not the sinner? Yea, let's do that more often. Form a friendship with the lesbian couple living next door. Invite your gay friend to church. Ask a friend who is thinking about a sex change out to coffee and get to know him/her.


Believe me, I need to work on these things too. Writing this forced me to take a good look at my own heart and see where I've failed as a follower of Christ. Do I look like Jesus? Do I love like Him? Maybe the persecution against Christians in America will stop when we start looking more like Jesus and less like what we've made our faith into.

5 Things I've Learned from "the Least of These"

As a Christian, I have always been taught to live and love like Jesus. What does that look like? Over and over, he tells his followers to love the following four people groups: the oppressed, the widows, the orphans and the poor. We can't love them from inside our church or home walls. We have to GO OUT and be the hands and feet like Jesus did. He calls us to love the people he loves, but doesn't say how our lives will be affected in return.

The saying, "they did more for me than I did for them" is cliche, but so true. Many times we go on mission trips or volunteer to help out and do something good, but our lives are wrecked and changed in return. We return to our lives and aren't so comfortable anymore. I have had this experience multiple times and will tell anyone who will listen what we can learn from "the least of these." Here are the top five things I've learned!

1. Value
Americans and first-world citizens are constantly wanting more and unhappy with what we have. We want the next big thing and newest technology, a bigger house, a newer car, etc. When you travel overseas, or even to the poorest neighborhood in your city, you will hear a different story. They cherish what they do have and don't put value in material things. The one thing I will never be able to forget is a scene of children playing in Haiti. Since they don't have toys like we do in America, they made them out of trash. Children were laughing and having a blast with a truck made out of a jug and pulled with a string. Seeing that made me smile and broke my heart at the same time. We put so much value in material things that we forget to be thankful for what we do have.

2. The blessing of community
Most people keep to themselves and like to keep their lives private, but this isn't Biblical. We are called to live in community. Throughout my time of service in Dallas, Waxahachie, Waco and Haiti, I've seen community be a life-changer. When people look out for one another and care for each other, life gets easier. In Haiti, people will gladly share their food with you so you can have something to eat too. It blows my mind. In Waco, homeless people will share their blankets with one another and help each other out on the street. It took working with the poor for me to realize how important and life-changing community is.

3. Be still
I know I'm not the only one who is always in a rush and has a list of things to do every day. We are always in a hurry and life passes by so quickly. We forget to slow down and see the beauty in the day and our surroundings. I lived in one of the most beautiful places on earth this summer. We had ministry to do and our days were packed, but we made time to slow down and be still too. You can only truly feel the Spirit of the Lord when you are still. When I took time to slow down, feel the Haitian breeze on my skin, listen to children playing and motos passing by, I felt calm and felt God sitting next to me. Most Haitians also take a daily nap. I think Americans should adopt this thinking ;)

4. Love knows no language or border
A lot of people feel like they are held back from mission trips or service because they don't have medical or construction skills. One thing we all have and can give is love. My friend and fellow missionary, Emalee Arthur, said this was the biggest lesson she learned while in Haiti. (Check out her blog here: http://emaleearthur.blogspot.com). Even when you don't speak the same language, we all know love. Love is a universal language. A hug, smile and little baby kisses are the same in every language. Whether you are in Haiti or in the poorest neighborhood in your city, we all need love. Sometimes a smile or hug can change a person's life.

5. How to fully rely on God
Everywhere I serve there is one thing in common: faith in God, especially in the hard times. I had never seen authentic, overcoming worship until I went to Haiti. These people who, from American eyes, have nothing to worship about are worshiping and praying like I had never seen before. Instead of worrying about where their next meal will come from or their safety, they pray and rely on the Lord. Now that I'm going through hard times, my Haitian friends are offering encouragement and support. I learned from them what faith really looks like and pray for that kind of faith and reliance. Last night, a man in Waxahachie who had lost everything put it perfectly. "God will take care of you. He wants what's best for you, but it's not always in your timing. His timing is perfect and it will be worth it."

This is just a sampling of the many lessons I have learned from "the least of these." I really don't like that label, but it's the term Jesus uses in Matthew 25:40. The poor and marginalized have so much more to offer than we give them credit for. They definitely aren't "the least of these" in my eyes!

What are some things you would add to this list?

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

As a child, there are many things we fear. Some children fear heights or clowns, while others fear the dark. It seems that some fears carry on into adulthood.

Are you still afraid of the dark? Most of you would shake your head and firmly say no! Sure, you may not be afraid of being in a room with no light, but what about ISIS? Are you afraid? Or do you fear contracting ebola or another infectious disease/virus? In the Scriptures, these things would be considered darkness. Even an unbeliever would consider these things dark.

Earlier this week I streamed a series from The Porch about Christians being Batman. Now before you scratch your head in confusion, hear me out. Batman runs to the darkness instead of away from it. He isn't afraid of the dark. He brings light to a dark world and is seen as a hero. In summary, your childhood fantasy of wanting to be Batman is completely warranted and a good thing. ;) ALL people, especially Christians, should want to be Batman.

For far too long the American church has sat comfortably in their four walls as darkness threatens to take over the world. We watch the news and grow terrified of viruses and terroristic threats instead of taking action. We're scared of sickness. We're scared of dying. Why?

In Acts 1:8 it says, "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." If you have the Holy Spirit living inside you, you are equipped and ready to fight evil. You should be a vigilante of good instead of being crippled with fear in your home. In some translations of Acts 1:8, witnesses is translated as martyrs. Yes, you could die as you shine your light in the darkness, but what better way to die than to do it for the glory of God!

Every day I get online and see fear all over my Twitter and Facebook timelines. Most of the fear is from my Christian friends and family. Instead of being fearful of what will happen tomorrow, why aren't we like Batman and facing evil head-on? What do we have to lose? Before you answer with "my life," think about the great people who have lost their lives before you as they shine in the darkness. Eleven of the twelve disciples died as they went into dark areas of the world, proclaiming the Gospel. You and I are called to go all over the world as a light in the darkness, not to fear the dark. Run TO it, not away from it.

Many of the people infected with ebola in Africa have never heard the Gospel. This should be concerning to Christians. Instead of canceling trips to Africa and having the "every man for himself" mentality, we should be fighting to GO. Sure, we could contract the virus and die, but what if you spread the Gospel in the process? What a glorious day in Heaven that would be as you worship Jesus with them. The same is true about the Middle East. Many people are afraid to go there because of extremist groups like ISIS. How can we forget about the innocent people who live in that area and have never heard the saving news of Jesus Christ?

Or how about conquering fear in Dallas? Instead of staying away from restaurants, theaters and malls, reach out to Liberian and other immigrants who live here. The state of panic and fear needs to stop. The media is partially to blame for this, but Christians need to remember that they are a light in the darkness and have nothing to fear. If you die from ebola, you will be with your Creator sooner than you thought. Now what's so bad about that?! RUN to the darkness in this city and all over the world, instead of hiding in fear.

Church, let's stop being afraid of the dark. I'm done with hearing fear from the lips of my Christian friends. We have no need to fear death at the hands of a virus or extremist group. Our only concern should be being a light in the darkness and spreading the Gospel. If we truly believe in the sovereignty of God and that He is in control, we will not be taken out of this world one minute before He is done with us. We are considered immortal until our last breath. When we breathe our last breath on earth, it will be our first in Heaven.

I'm not afraid of the dark. Are you?


"And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from Heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." Luke 1:76-79

"Go! I am sending you out like a lamb amongst wolves." Luke 10:3

Living Unashamed Despite Persecution

It has been exactly three months since I stepped foot back in America. In case you're just now joining me on this journey, I spent six weeks spreading the Gospel, loving on orphans, teaching, working in medical clinics and providing food to the lovely people of Haiti. Being back in America has been very hard in many ways, but the hardest way is how my time in Haiti is affecting my job search. 

I never thought my service in Haiti would negatively affect my resume or job search. In fact, I thought the time would be a positive because of the new skills I learned, along with the cross-cultural interactions I had. To my surprise, I have been met with persecution. 

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 5:11-12

The first instance of this negativity was when an HR manager told me I should regret my time in Haiti because nobody will ever hire me because of it. Wow! Since when was serving others for the glory of God seen as a bad thing?!? Somehow I kept my emotions in check and calmly told her I would never regret that time because that's where I was supposed to be. That wasn't the only instance of this kind of persecution. 

I have also had to deal with false things said about me in my previous workplace. I worked my tail off and made it my purpose to form relationships with people in different departments. When I returned to America, I found out that false and negative things had been said. And the basis of all this was because I answered the call God put on my heart. 

The lowest blow was when a religious institution said I couldn't work there because I left the workforce to serve others on the mission field. Umm excuse me?! I couldn't help but let my jaw drop after hearing that. 

Living out your faith and living a Christ-like life is being met with hatred and persecution, but I shouldn't be surprised. After all, Jesus warns against such things in the Bible. 

"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you."

John 15:18

If America is a Christian country, then why are so many people-myself included-being persecuted for their faith? No, we aren't losing our lives because of our profession of faith, but we are being kept from jobs, promotions, etc. Being unashamed of your faith is becoming harder and harder because of the need to be politically correct. Just look at Tim Tebow. He's an award-winning quarterback, but lost his job and has not been able to find another because of his image. Teams are concerned because of the media circus and "distractions" he brings because of his outspokenness on his faith. I think we need more people like Tim Tebow. The stars of "Duck Dynasty" are in the same boat. They have come under attack multiple times for speaking out unashamedly about their faith and making prayer a big part of their television show. Instead of viewers accepting their religious beliefs, they bash the Robertson's for being "intolerable" of other beliefs. 

The Bible says those who are persecuted are blessed, but I don't feel very blessed right now. I'm sure Tim Tebow, the Robertson's and others who speak out on their faith feel the same. I wish hiring managers would see time on the mission field as a good thing, rather than looking down on times of service. I wish people could speak out on their faith without fear of losing their jobs or friends. 

I will continue to fight the persecution with my head held high and meet such negativity with a smile on my face. There is a reason I have Romans 1:16 permanently inked on my body. I am unashamed of my faith! I can make plans for myself, but I know who holds my life and He is in control. The Lord will provide the perfect job for me in His timing and it will meet my needs and passions. I have no doubt of this! 

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:10

I got what I wished for...and I don't like it!

You know that old saying, "be careful what you wish for"? Most people, myself included, blow it off. But what if you actually got what you wished for, and then decided you didn't want it after all?

While in Haiti this summer I was mesmerized by the happiness of the nationals. Most of them lived on $2 or less a day. The lady I smiled at on the street only had one meal that day. The children tugging at my hands were orphans. The handicapped beggar on the street lost his leg during the earthquake. The lady selling plantains in the market was raising her six children alone. One thing they all had in common? An infectious smile and grateful personality. They were happy to be alive and their laughs were contagious. Through the eyes of an American, they had nothing to be smiling about. Then I went to a Haitian church service....

There was dancing, shouting, hands lifted and strong preaching. This was genuine worship and prayer! Children sat on the wooden benches, hands folded and prayed to their Father. Women danced in worship. The choir raised their hands and sang in unison. The band swayed as the congregation clapped along to the music. The preacher brought strong words and had everyone nodding their heads in agreement. I truly felt the Spirit there, in a nation that was so poor and marginalized. I sat in tears as I watched the Haitian nationals worship and thank God for what they had. My mind was even further blown when they gave two offerings; one for the church and one for the poor in the village. The ride home from service that day was quiet as we all thought about what we'd just been a part of.

After church that day I wished to be able to worship, pray and praise God like the Haitians did, even in the midst of seemingly having nothing. I asked God to help me understand how they could be so content with having so little. I wanted to have the heart they did and be able to trust God, even in the midst of terrible times.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

American churches often use Philippians 4:13 out of context and ignore the previous verses. The Haitian people live out these verses on a daily basis. They are in need and hungry, but are content because they have the strength of the Lord.

Three months after asking God to help me be content with so little, I'm in need. I am in NO WAY in dire need like the Haitians, but it's still a struggle. I'm living on my last dollars and trying my hardest to be content. Like Paul said in Philippians, I know what it is to have plenty. After you have had plenty, being in need is very hard. My desire was to be able to worship and praise God with all I have, despite hard circumstances. I'm nowhere near the happiness of my Haitian friends and family, but I got what I asked for. And guess what? I don't like it!

In church we sing "all I need is you," "you're more than enough," etc., but do we really mean it? Do we really believe that Jesus is enough in times of need, or are these empty words we sing? I believe Jesus provides and saw it first-hand last month when I received a gift to pay my monthly bills when I didn't have the funds to pay them myself. On the days when I'm at my lowest, God sends someone or something to push me to keep going. Sometimes those people are my Haitian friends. We keep in contact over Facebook and they always want to know how I'm doing. I am honest with them and it makes me feel terrible. How can I complain about not being able to find a job when the unemployment rate in Haiti is over 80%, I have a roof over my head and have three meals a day? They listen and encourage me anyway. Their encouragement is so amazing and blows me away. I think about what they go through on a daily basis and they're encouraging ME to push on and stay positive. How?! It's never their own encouragement, but encouragement from the Word! Many people think Haiti is a spiritually dark place, but here is another example of the light shining through that I love so much!

Every day I'm learning how to be content like my Haitian friends and family and thank God for the things I do have, instead of complaining about what I don't have. I'm a worry wart, but I noticed that's another thing the Haitians don't seem to have. Instead of worrying, they pray and trust God. I'm telling you, we have A LOT to learn from Haitians and other poor people groups in the world. Looking at them in pictures and videos, we think they have nothing and feel sorry for them. Get to know them and you'll feel sorry for yourself and realize you are missing so much that they have. I lack the complete trust and faith they have because I let myself get in the way. I can't praise God and be happy with what I have like they can because I'm worried about not having a job to pay the bills. Instead of worrying, I need to give it to God. I'll leave you with this passage that I always turn to in times of need.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." Luke 12:28-31

Please don't nominate me for the ALS ice bucket challenge

I refuse to do it. Not because I don't want cold water poured over me. I know what that feels like because I showered in ice cold water for six weeks in Haiti. There are two big reasons why I refuse to accept this challenge if nominated.

1. We're wasting water in the name of charity
-----This summer, God provided the opportunity for me to live in Haiti. This country is one of many where clean water is not readily available. Water.org states that 780 million people lack access to clean water. That's more than 2.5 times the population of the United States, but yet we're wasting water gallons at a time as part of this "challenge." That five gallon bucket many people use for the ALS challenge is the same size someone in Haiti, India, Africa and other developing countries use to collect their water for the DAY. Water is one of my passions and something I have learned not to take for granted, especially after having to carry around a water bottle each day as my only source of water between meals because it wasn't safe to drink elsewhere. It sickens my stomach to see video after video of this challenge on news feeds and the television as my friends and family in Haiti and worldwide are suffering. Isn't there a better way to raise awareness of what it feels like to have ALS than to waste such a precious resource that millions of people don't have?

2. Aborted babies are used for research purposes
-----The ALS uses stem cells from aborted babies (and some adult stem cells) to replace dying cells in a person affected by ALS. Don't believe me? Check out their website for yourself. http://www.alsa.org/research/about-als-research/stem-cells.html If you believe life begins at conception, then this is a problem because your ice bucket challenge and subsequent donation is funding the use of aborted babies for medical research. This foundation uses fertilized embryos less than a week old, takes the stem cell lines from the embryo for cultures and tries to repair the brain of someone with ALS. They admit it has raised ethical concerns. I personally believe life begins at conception, so this challenge and use of stem cells is against my ethical and religious beliefs. Instead of funding this research, I will pray for other options to find a cure and for complete healing of people living with ALS.

This post was not to condemn the people who have done the ice bucket challenge, but to bring awareness and education about the underlying issues. I understand people are doing this challenge out of kindness, but please be educated about where your money is going and how we, as Americans, are being wasteful. I personally hope this "fad" passes soon and people will find another way to raise awareness and fund medical research.

The Haitian struggle in America

This morning as I was reading my Bible study for community group, I found myself laughing at some of the stories from the author. She was giving details about horrible family vacations and they were the same things I loved about Haiti. Things like outdoor bathrooms, machetes and watching mice/rats run across the yard as entertainment. Reading those details in my daily Bible study made me smile and also brought tears to my eyes.

Cassandra, the in-country missionary I stayed with, shared that she knew she was called to Haiti when she couldn't talk about Haiti or look at pictures without crying. If I didn't know beforehand that I was called to Haiti, these last three weeks would prove it. There have been plenty of tears while sharing stories or reminiscing on my memories this summer. When someone asks me how I'm adjusting to American life, it takes all I have to keep my eyes from welling up with tears. Adjust? Ha! My stomach has finally adjusted to America again after a parasite scare, but my heart hasn't. I hope it never does. How can I readjust to having clean water to flush in the toilet when the children I taught this summer don't have clean water to drink? Or readjust to having a choice of what to eat rather than eating rice and beans every day?

My parents were somewhat hoping this summer would get the missions bug out of my system, but instead that "bug" just got stronger. I thought Haiti already had my heart after last year's trip, but after living there for six weeks, I came back to America with a hole where my heart used to be. There's a quote that says, "If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders." My mind goes to children with dark skin tugging on my arms, laughter and big smiles, a rocky hillside and warm breeze, creole sauce and learning a new language. Clearly my mind wanders to Haiti and my heart is there....

The hardest part about being back in America is that I don't know when I will return to Haiti. The goal is for me to live there long-term in the future, but there's an issue...I'm a single woman. I have yet to find an organization that will send me to Haiti alone. "You need to be married and go with your husband." "You need to find a group to go with you." Well, are there any men out there who will marry me and then move to Haiti? *crickets* that's what I thought... It's a struggle I deal with daily with the Lord. Why would He put such a strong desire in my heart to be in Haiti, but not provide a way for me to be there now? How long will I have to wait for this husband, or will an organization finally come around and send me? Since when do you have to be married to serve God in another country?!?

This summer I found that I had a natural talent for teaching and really enjoyed it. The best day of teaching was when I taught music and then led 10 of my students to Christ. I'll never forget that day! Since I enjoyed it so much, I'm finishing my TESOL certificate in-between applying for jobs. Applying for jobs is another struggle. I need a full-time job in order to pay my bills, but I'm having a hard time finding anything. It's hard to find a job when my heart wants to work for a Christian company and those options are few, even in the Bible belt.

All of this rambling is just to say...please pray for my heart; a broken one, at the moment. Pray that I would find contentment in America. Pray that I will find a full-time job in order to pay the bills. Pray that the Lord will either provide me a husband who loves Haiti as much as I do or an organization that will send a single woman. Pray for my heart and that it will find rest and assurance in Christ during this uncertain time. Thanks and God Bless!

This is Haiti

As I settled into my window seat on the plane, I looked outside and saw the beautiful, green mountains in the distance. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest, my stomach was in knots and tears welled up in my eyes. The cold air conditioning fell from the vent above my head and I placed my forehead on the window. I wanted the Haitian heat on my skin as long as possible. As the plane began to move down the runway, tears fell down my cheek. My eyes followed the rolling mountains and captured every color from the houses in the Port au Prince streets. When I could no longer make out houses and details below, my head fell into my hands and I began to weep.

Was it possible for six weeks to go by that fast?! When would I be back in Haiti?

The night before, I contemplated losing my passport with one of my roommates. She even suggested flushing it down the toilet. She was joking, but I honestly wouldn't have minded being "stuck" in Haiti. That night I hardly slept. Not from excitement of going back to the States, but from dread of leaving the country that has captured my heart. The heartbreak of leaving children who I was supposed to be teaching, but taught me so much more. The sadness of not talking to Sophede every day in broken Creole. Missing the feeling of the breeze coming off the lake and the laughter from orphans at CAD. Or missing the heartfelt Creole worship at Eve's. I would even miss the fun and frustration of sharing one bathroom with six other girls. Most of all, I was going to miss waking up in a place I completely loved and surrounded by the people who had become family.

At the beginning of the summer we were strangers, but I left with an enlarged family and an enlarged heart. Every single intern had a connection or calling to the nation of Haiti, which is why we had such a great time living, serving and worshipping together. We shared testimonies, laughs, tears, MANY games of Uno and inside jokes.

One thing the girl interns did together was make a list of things we discovered throughout the summer and titled it, "This is Haiti." When most people think of Haiti, they think of extreme poverty, voodoo, starving children, the heat, shanty houses and corruption. That's not the Haiti we saw. This list consisted of funny things we saw, things we loved about Haiti and things that we did in Haiti that you wouldn't do in America.

• Take navy showers...but still run out of water in the mornings
• Wear bug spray to bed. And reapply multiple times a day (Nobody wanted to catch "the fever")
• Put toilet paper in a trash can, not the toilet
• Being called, and answering to, "blanc" because of the color of your skin
• React to getting a coke or a cookie as if it were treasure
• Take a risk and hold a naked baby. It's poop roulette!
• Cold showers aren't bad at the end of a hot day and lukewarm drinking water is just as refreshing as cold
• Singing Disney songs makes daily duties like washing the dishes and cooking more enjoyable
• Lose your table manners to have the extra hand on the table to swat bugs away
• Hand sanitizer is a lifesaver on the mission field
• A baby goat sounds like a screaming child in the mornings and late at night
• Kids playing with toys made from trash
• People and animals hanging off a tap tap
• Security guards with huge guns isn't alarming. Neither are men carrying machetes.
• Three people and a goat on a moto is acceptable and "safe"
• The hug from an orphan makes every other thought melt away
• No road rules=cars all over the road, constant honking and traffic when there shouldn't be

That's only a snippet of the list. Is that what you expected or not? Look past the images of extreme poverty and hopelessness and this is what you'll see: the joy of an orphan as you paint her nails, laughter from a child as you try to learn his language, dreams of becoming a nurse or a teacher. You'll see hope rising from the ashes. Children who are hungry to learn, people lining up to be baptized and people learning of and accepting Christ. Behind the dark eyes and skin is a lot of turmoil and sadness, but I choose to see hope. Haiti will rise up and prove to the world they aren't a lost cause and I believe this will happen through the world changers I loved and did life with for six weeks. 

I took this internship in Haiti because I selfishly wanted to change a nation and see if I was called to be there full-time. Returning to the States, those six weeks did more work in my life than I intended to do in Haiti. I learned more about myself and my faith in six weeks than I have in the last 25 years of life. God performed miracles in front of my eyes and children began to see how they were truly loved. Healings happened, I danced as a form of worship, sang a special in Creole in front of a church and my heart was shattered. The Holy Spirit covered Fond Parisien and me like the sun rays covered the mountains and lake at sunrise. The Lord revealed new things to me through the eyes of a child and taught me new meaning of being unashamed of my faith. I felt His presence in the wind every day as it whipped through my hair and gave me goosebumps in the Haitian heat. In those six weeks, God allowed me to see Haiti and the people as He sees them: not broken and hopeless, but as children of God, worthy to be loved and beautiful. I already saw Haiti and Haitians as God sees them, but my eyes and heart were opened wider. I am forever grateful for being able to live and serve in Haiti this summer and am anxious for when I can go back to where I left my heart.  

Fleeing From Fear and Anxiety

I serve the Heavenly Savior. The Great Provider. The one with the master plan. The one who died on the cross for my sins, set me free and will love me no matter what. The one who knows the number of hairs on my head, my every thought and has my steps planned out. Yet, I still doubt Him sometimes. WHY?!? 

Because I'm a control freak. I like to have control of my life, my finances and my future. God completely pushed me out of the way in March and took over everything, and honestly, I'm scared. "Why me, Lord?! I'm a terrible, awful wretch! I have zero Bible training outside of VBS and two required religion courses at Baylor." This is my brain talking and the enemy whispering in my ear. But then I remember my favorite Bible character, Paul. He was a hated man and persecuted and killed Christians daily. Then he met Christ one day on the street, immediately turned his life around and became the greatest missionary to ever walk the planet and wrote the majority of the New Testament. If God can use Paul, then surely He can use me!! Right?....

I'm a big talker and say I'm unafraid of what will happen in Haiti. Honestly, I'm not afraid of anything physically that can happen to me while there, whether that's sickness, safety, etc. I'm more concerned with what my mind and the enemy can do. Three weeks in when I start to miss my family and friends, what will happen? What will the enemy try to tell me after a long, hard day? These are the moments when I have to remember why I'm in Haiti and that God has planned this all along. Haiti is where I was born to be, no matter how many mosquito bites I have, how hot it may get or how badly I smell. The country is beautiful and there is so much joy and love in the faces of poverty. The presence of God is there, you just have to peel away the sadness and poverty the American media only wants you to see. You have to GO to know what I mean. 

Speaking of going, there was an announcement I had to make last week. I gave my resignation at First Baptist Dallas last Friday, hoping they would let me come back in July. Unfortunately, they will not. And that's where my fear crept back in. "Lord, what will happen to me when I come back in July? Where will I work?" Then I was reminded that Watermark called me a treasure and wants to talk with me about missions when I return, and possibly a job. That same day, I found out I had to move out instead of coming back to the apartment in July. Again, "Lord, where will I live? What about all of my possessions?" Thankfully, my parents have been so kind to let me temporarily live with them before I leave and when I return. They have also been a huge source of encouragement, as well as my friends. In my moments of anxiety and fear, the people I love most feed me Scripture. 

As I prepare for this journey, I am pointed to Luke 12, one of my favorite chapters in the New Testament. In this one chapter I find all the peace I need as it seems like Jesus is speaking directly to me. 

"Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7

"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." Luke 12:11-12

"Consider the ravens: they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Luke 12:24

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:33-34

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Luke 12:48

As I cry tears into the boxes in my room, I remember these verses. How can I cry over material things? Me, the least materialistic person you'll ever meet!! But, have you ever faced the reality of selling or giving away most of your belongings and packing the rest in boxes that must fit in a 10x12 room? It's exhilarating and somewhat frightening. 

But then again, how could I be afraid or sad about this when it's what Jesus commands? Jesus sacrificed so much for me and I am more than willing to give up my possessions, apartment and job to serve Him in Haiti. He is worth it all!! I need to let controlling Sarah be pushed to the side, let God take over every detail and flee from fear and anxiety. My heart is overflowing with excitement about serving in the country God has placed on my heart! My worries, fears and anxiety are all calmed by the arms of God, as he guides me to where I'm supposed to be. 

Mwen ale Ayiti!!

Translated Title: I'm going to Haiti! 

If you are my Facebook friend, you have already seen about the exciting summer that lies ahead for me. I have accepted an internship with Helping Hurting Children just outside of Port au Prince, Haiti!!!! It all happened so quickly and I am so excited to be going back to the country that has captured my heart.

Just over a week ago, my mom's boss sent me an email suggesting I contact Helping Hurting Children about a summer internship they were offering. After sharing my story with the director of this organization, they asked that I fill out an application and come on board. Last week I purchased my airfare so it is REALLY happening! 

I will be there for six weeks, learning from missionaries that are already on the field. I will help lead short-term trips as well as love on children in the orphanage and teach English, Bible and health classes. I will also be going to smaller villages to do revival services for children. 

This God-given adventure starts on May 26th, so I don't have much time to get everything settled here in the States. I will be selling all of my worldly possessions as Luke 18:22 commands and follow the call to live and serve in Haiti. So, if you are interested in furniture I am selling a love seat, cherry wood triple dresser, night stand and Lazyboy recliner! :) 

Telling people about this adventure has been met with mixed responses. I had one person offer to give the money I paid for the airfare so I will stay here. Many people think Haiti isn't very safe (in certain places) and they are right, but how can I be afraid if this is where God has called me? It is more dangerous for me to be in Dallas and be outside of God's will than for me to be in Haiti. There is no ounce of fear in me, but if it ever creeps in, there are 365 verses in the Bible urging me not to be afraid. My favorite is Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Other people have been fully supportive and really excited. First of all, I am very lucky to have my family's support in this! My mom and dad have raised my sister and I to have a heart for the poor and all nations so this isn't a surprise to them. My mom was the one who urged me to sell all my possessions so I could more easily answer God's call!! Not too many mothers would do that. My friends and family friends have also been very supportive. In order to answer this call, I am raising support and one offering has stood out above the rest so far. One of my dad's coworkers offered $5. At first I thought that was strange, but found out it was all he had in his wallet. He gave ALL he had, like the widow who gave her last penny in the Bible. It really touched my heart!! I also have a coworker who is from Haiti and has been giving me Creole lessons and telling me about his home country. I love how he lights up when talking about Haiti and I look forward to our talks every week. His family has also graciously accepted me into their own for Easter this year so I can learn Haitian traditions, culture and eat their yummy food. I hope it is my first of many Haitian Easters! 

As I continue to prepare for this trip, please keep me in your prayers. I am still about $1,000 short of the internship expenses. I have faith that God will provide for me to answer the call he has placed on my life. If you feel led to give, please message me or comment so I can send you my contact information. Please keep me in your prayers during the time I'm in Haiti. As much as I love the beautiful country of Haiti, I know there will be hard days where I will miss my family and American luxuries we all take for granted (air conditioning, internet, phone, etc.). Please pray that I will always stay encouraged and remember my purpose for being there. Also pray for my health. The last thing I need is to get sick and be sidelined from the work I am there to do. 

I will continue to update this blog with fundraising and trip progress until I leave. Thank you for your prayers and support! My readers, family and friends are THE BEST! :) 

Next Steps

Last weekend I had the privilege of attending a missions conference at the Dallas Theological Seminary, where the Lord revealed SO much about this journey and myself.

I went in that room with a lot of questions on my mind and in walked a man who had served as a missionary (or "international worker" as they would like to be called now) in Haiti for 12 years!! Denny immediately hugged me, dubbed me Haitian Sarah and told all about Haiti and his time there. It was great to hear real stories and truth rather than stories that are sometimes sugar-coated. Having him sit near me during the weekend calmed my fears and questioning. 

Friday evening was full of a lot of information. I had gone into this journey with some doubt about how God could clear the path of student loans for me to be able to get to Haiti. I know that God is SO MUCH bigger than any circumstance, but my little pea brain thinks about the details. The first session was full of verses that calmed that and below are two that stuck out:

Psalm 138:8- The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for You made me. 

Philippians 1:6 - Be confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

As if that wasn't convicting enough, we talked about how God works through us. The speaker warned of international workers making ministry more about themselves and personal glory rather than giving all that glory to God. Wow! When I got home, my roommate asked how the first night went and I broke into tears. Was I romanticizing living in Haiti? Was I staying focused on God's glory? As I reflected on my calling and the last few weeks, my stories had a lot of "I" and "me" and not enough GOD. He's the real reason I want to go to Haiti. I want to make the name of Jesus famous in a land of voodoo, not to make my family proud or be the first to bring clean water or female education to a village. 

Day two was even more eye-opening. We started the day out with singing praise a capella as natural sunlight filled the tiny room. It was really beautiful to hear 20 people sing to the God we were willing to go to the ends of the earth to serve. Our first session was on "the call" and if it was a real thing. I know I was called at the age of 15 to ministry so this was a challenging session. We talked about how EVERY Christian has a call to spread the good news (The Great Commission), but some are called for specific purposes/places. I have always struggled with how to answer the question, "how do you KNOW that you were called to missions and to Haiti of all places?" My answer of "I just know because the Lord told me" has always been met with strange looks. haha But this conference provided a fabulous response: "Like a stone in their shoe, it is ever on their minds no matter where they go or what they do." PERFECTION! 

Throughout the day, we talked about church connections, the role of an agency, what it means to make disciples and how to choose an agency. My favorite part of the day was the time with mentors where everyone could ask questions and talk openly about their desires and concerns. This is when Denny and I huddled up and spoke more about Haitian life, food and service. He was so excited to share his experiences and I was eager to learn all I could. After searching endlessly for Haitians in the Dallas area, I had found two within two weeks and Denny told me of a group of eight that attend the seminary. Wow! 

In our last session, the speaker spoke about our challenge as Christians and international workers. He flashed different products from all over the world on the screen. Some were unrecognizable because they were just in one or two countries, but then a Coke bottle popped up on the screen. Of course everyone knew that product. Did you know that 94% of the world has access to Coca Cola? Yes, even the areas where water is unavailable or in tribal villages. Did you know there are also 2.9 billion people who have NEVER heard the name of Jesus and the Gospel? Coca Cola has gotten something right that Christianity hasn't: universal availability. It made me sick to my stomach to hear that. The conference finished up with the challenge to die to self every day and to make the Gospel known across all nations. 

The weekend was very filling and convicting. It ended with me proclaiming my next steps of talking with an elder from Watermark about my decision, learning Creole from the people I have met and researching agencies that send to Haiti. I also have a new accountability partner in Denny and he is excited to walk through this process with me. If you would also like to walk through this process with me, continue to check this blog for updates and you can personally contribute to this process here:

Send Sarah to Haiti

This is the Go Fund Me page where I am raising funds to go on a trip to Haiti in June. Thanks for reading and for your support!! 

God is tired of me telling Him to "hold on!'

Has God ever told you to do something and you told Him to "hold on?" Well, I have done just that for the last ten years and I think He's had enough!

When I was 15, I had a call to missions placed on my heart and I surrendered my life to that call upon returning home from my first mission trip. Then, I took matters into my hands and told God to "hold on" while I pursued my dream of going to college and earning a degree. While I know there is something to take out of my time at Baylor, the last three years has only led to frustration over whether to follow my chosen career path or my calling.

I can no longer be frustrated because within the last two weeks, God has moved swiftly and made it known that He's tired of me putting His plan to the side!! Let me tell you how God has shown up lately:

1. Last fall I was offered an internship where I would live and work in Haiti for two months. I unfortunately turned down that opportunity. Last Monday would have been the day I left the US and my heart was full of regret weeks before that date. The week before, I received a message from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile. The message was only, "when is your next trip to Haiti?" That's it.....then I didn't hear from him for a week.
2. I had a water emergency in my apartment that Saturday and my landlord came over to fix it. When he arrived, he looked puzzled and asked, "why are you here? I thought you were supposed to be on the mission field." I was shocked! I didn't tell him about Haiti. Unbeknown to me, my roommate had told him, but I thought that was a message from God.
3. On my way to The Porch on Tuesday, I received a text from my mom that was a sure message from God:

"You need to defer your half of the loans and let us drive your car and you go where you need to go. Pray about it."

Wow!! In the middle of Dallas rush hour traffic, I started crying. She knew I was called to Haiti the moment I got in the car when she picked me up at the airport last year after my trip to Ferrier. It's amazing how God can soften everyone's hearts and pull things together at the perfect time.

4. On Thursday I went to work and spoke with the missions pastor. I wanted to know if there were any Haitian churches, neighborhoods or people he knew of in the Dallas area. Not only did he know of one, but the intern in pastoral care is from Haiti. Of course, God! I went down the hall and introduced myself. His face lit up and his accent appeared the moment I showed interest in his home country. His family still observes Haitian culture and he's even teaching his children Creole. Wow! I had been praying, asking God to show me the purpose for my job at First Dallas and here it was. This man offered to teach me Creole and to come over for dinner so he and his wife could teach me the culture and eat traditional Haitian food. Praise the Lord! ( I LOVE Haitian food!)
5. This man also gave me a contact name of a friend of his that is moving to Haiti next year. Later in the day Thursday, the intern came to my desk and said after calling his friend, he found out there was a missions fair with 40 agencies at Dallas Theological Seminary that day and Friday and I should go. I went Friday morning and met the friend. Thursday evening I had contacted a missions agency about a conference they were having at the end of the month for people going through the steps of getting into international missions. When I met this man, he was traveling through this agency! Another God thing there! He was able to answer the questions I had that day.

Needless to say, God is moving in BIG ways. I know it's all Him because, although I think about Haiti every single day, I wasn't fervently pursuing moving there right now. God has other plans and I am now ready to buy a one-way ticket. Currently I am praying about where exactly the Lord wants me and what I should be doing. I have connections and have traveled to the northern part of Haiti, but for some reason, I feel like God is wanting me in the south. This is blowing my mind because I have no connections there. My passions are clean water and women's rights/education. Right now, I'm leaning more towards spreading the gospel through women's rights/education.

As my friends, family and readers I want to ask for your support. Please be praying that God would reveal where He wants me in Haiti, what to do and for how long. There are still a lot of questions, but one thing is for sure: I'm supposed to be in the beautiful country of Haiti long-term and I'm SO EXCITED! If you feel led to financially support me in any way through this, please comment or contact me. I will know more about finances after the conference this month, but it's never too early to get started. Thank you in advance for the support, whether that's through money or prayers, and/or both!  

 

 

Turning Over a New Leaf

Hmmm how else do I put this? 2014 hasn't started out the way I thought it would.

My last post was full of so much hope and excitement for this year and I honestly thought it would be the best year yet. But instead, the first few weeks of 2014 have truly been the hardest weeks of my life. There have been changes that were unexpected and have honestly made me feel like I'm having a crisis...at the age of 24 (almost 25). Quarter-life crisis, maybe?!

Probably the thing I was most excited about in 2014 was my budding relationship with my boyfriend. We had already made so many plans for the future and enjoyed being around each other as much as possible. Without divulging details, that relationship came to a screeching halt in late January with no warning. It was a complete shock to me and my heart still hasn't recovered. The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23). I tend to dive deep into relationships rather quickly and give it my all. I definitely need to be more guarded from now on.

Not too long after another change occurred, this time at work. My boss gave his two weeks notice the first part of February after taking a pastoral job at his church. While I am SUPER happy and excited for him, I was very sad to see him leave. He was, hands down, the best boss I have ever had. Never have I been able to go in my boss's office and talk about things we both share a passion for like I could with him. It was refreshing to have a job that didn't really feel like work.

After giving his notice, my job was up in the air because the church didn't know who they would hire or if I would have the opportunity to be promoted. At this time, I found myself in a place I never thought I would be in: A Baylor graduate with a 4.0 major GPA, fighting for a part-time job with no benefits and living paycheck to paycheck. After having a small panic attack, I put more pressure on myself as I waited to hear if they would promote a woman or hire from outside. To make a long story short, they hired someone from outside and I'm teaching him his new duties. After these changes, I needed a break to restore myself and have some fun!

I bought a plane ticket and flew to New Jersey to visit my best friend, Kate. This is where the title of this post comes in. She has also recently gone through some rough transitions. While out shopping in Princeton, we went into a jewelry store and decided to buy friendship rings. After trying on a few, we both loved a leaf style that wrapped around the finger.

After purchasing them, we declared the meaning as turning over a new leaf and starting over. We both need a fresh start and the girl's weekend was the perfect new beginning!! That weekend was such a refresher for my mind, spirit and heart!

Coming back to work last week was somewhat of a rough transition. There are still some hurt feelings there and I'm trying to get used to a new boss while also taking on more duties. Working for a church is no walk in the park. It is the hardest job I've ever had. Not the hardest task-wise, just the effects it has on my mind and spirituality. In my personal life, I'm turning over a new leaf by realizing what I deserve as a Godly woman and what I want for myself. Looking back, I realize that some of my passions were being pushed back and I can turn over a new leaf and dig even deeper into them. I'm trying not to worry about my quarter-life crisis and just let God take care of it. Easier said than done, right?! My mom said something that stuck with me this week:

"Why do we, as Christians, worry when we believe God is in control of all aspects

of our lives? No matter how many times I give it to God, I usually reach back for it one more time."

She's so right, especially for myself! No more worrying. I have to just give it to God and trust that everything is in control and where I am is part of the perfect plan for my life. Everything I have gone through so far in 2014 has a purpose and me worrying about it isn't going to change anything, except make me more stressed.

So it's time to do like my ring and turn over a new leaf!! Please be in prayer with/for me as I learn to surrender it all and trust completely.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Closing Out a Year of Change

Today is the last day of another year. As many others are writing their wrap-ups, I hope mine isn't another one just cluttering up your feed.

2013 was truly a year of change for me.

New travels and adventures
New job
New boyfriend
New apartment
New roommate
New friends
New community group
New church

Like I said, LOTS of changes. You know how Facebook does that year in review thing? They perfectly captured all of my 'news.' I love going back and looking at that to see everything that happened this year. Some of the posts bring on great memories and smiles, while others bring a heavy heart and sadness.

I'm not going to harp on the bad for too long, because after six months, I no longer see them as being so bad. My life was wrecked by two events within one month back in early summer. My trip to Haiti opened my eyes to how different life is outside of the United States. To how blessed I am and also how much I take for granted. In the process of being wrecked from what I saw and experienced, I also became friends with some wonderful Haitians and with the people in my group. Social media has allowed me to keep in contact with them and I am so thankful for that. On this trip I also got to spend time with a wonderful family I have heard so much about and looked up to my whole life (the Dorrell's). I really connected with one of them in particular and wanted to learn all about his experience living in Haiti, learning Creole and working with the Haitians. Seth had previously given up his blessed life in America and moved to Ferrier with his wife and daughter. Unfortunately he had to return home because he was diagnosed with cancer. Seth was in remission while we were in Haiti and was always keeping people on their toes and making us laugh. I had so many questions for him and enjoyed talking with him.

Almost three weeks after we returned to the United States, the Lord called Seth home. The combination of the absolute poverty I experienced and Seth's death made me incredibly sad and question a lot. Why would God take someone from the earth who was doing so much good for Him? He was so young and had a family. Why was there so much suffering, death and poverty in the world and it seems hardly anyone cares?  Even now there are days when I get sad and angry, but then I realize I'm being selfish. Only a week ago I stopped questioning God and being angry. This wreck and bad thing was turning into a blessing. While I still have so many questions I wish I could ask Seth, I know that he's no longer suffering. He isn't sick anymore and his body is healed. Also, the work he started in Ferrier can continue through me. I look forward to going back to Ferrier in 2014. There will probably be a little bit of sadness as I remember this year's trip, but also pure joy because I will be back in the country I love SO MUCH!

2013 was full of change, but a very good year. My heart was opened up and changed. My passion and compassion for the poor is even stronger and I look for new ways to serve "the least of these" every day. My life is less about me and more world and Christ-centered. I can only account this to my first new thing in 2013 and look forward to making that adventure a yearly one. I look forward to growing my new friendships, joining my new church and getting more involved, making awesome memories with my roommate and continuing the relationship with my amazing boyfriend while looking to the future. If you had told me last January what this year would hold, I probably wouldn't have believed you. I'm excited about the experiences and memories I will make in 2014!!!

Happy New Year!!

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Are you reading a hole-y Gospel?

I am a big reader and love any book about missions or religion. My boss has taken notice of my passion for these genres and recommended a book titled "The Hole in Our Gospel: What Does God Expect from Us?"

Last night while reading, a certain chapter rocked my world. The title of my blog is also my favorite Bible verse (Matthew 25:40) and this chapter covered the entire 25th chapter as well as Isaiah 58, which is my second favorite section of the Bible. I marveled at the fact that an entire chapter of this book was about these two chapters. It's like it was written for me.

To start the chapter, the author began with a question: Are you willing to be open to God's will for your life?

Are we really, myself included, willing to be open to what God wants? Are we willing to let Him rock us to the core and take us to places we never thought we'd go?

This led me to ask myself that question. What does God expect of me? And what exactly is His will for my life? These questions are answered in Isaiah 58 and Matthew 25 as well as the verse below.

                "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?

              To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

  Micah 6:8

Many unbelievers think that Christianity is very legalistic and there are too many rules. In Isaiah 58, God points out that the people of Israel were following these rules and seemed to be eager for God, but in fact they were angry with God. God is not satisfied with rituals and rules when the hearts of the people are corrupt. So what truly pleases God?

                                    Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

                 to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,

  to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

            Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him,

                        and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

v. 6-7

The true Gospel, what God really wants, is for us to be a people and society who stands for justice, fairness and love for the poor. So many times I have seen people go out of their way to go around a homeless person or others turn their cheek to a mentally disabled person. God's desire for his people to be full of compassion continues in Matthew 25.

In verses 31-46, Christ separates people on the judgment day into two groups: sheep and goats. What is interesting is that the groups are not separated based on their belief in Christ, but in how the sheep acted in open and loving ways toward the hungry, poor, sick, vulnerable and imprisoned. The people otherwise known as "the least of these."

This is a passage we can easily cut from our Bibles and is rarely preached in church (the hole-y Gospel). Why? Because it makes us uncomfortable. We think homeless people are dirty and smelly or the poor and hungry are just lazy. But guess what? Christ's biggest concern was for the poor!

The author, Richard E. Stearns, paraphrased these verses for modern times:

 

        "For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

That paraphrase gave me chills. It makes the verses seem more personal, more real. How many times have I been that person who turns away? God has given me so much, but I don't share like I should.

Daily I struggle with how much God has given me. Yes, I only work part-time, but I am surviving. I don't go without food, I have shelter over my head and clothes to cover my body. I also have "luxuries" that millions across the globe don't have, like clean water to drink and brush my teeth with and a toilet.

If God is calling us to live this way-to live like Christ-then why aren't more churches preaching this? Why aren't more Christians getting involved with social justice and helping the poor at times other than Thanksgiving and Christmas?

We are being taught a hole-y Gospel. One that has over 2,000 verses about serving the poor and "least of these" cut out. In the Old and New Testament, there is proof of God's concern for the poor and marginalized. Throughout the Bible, we see that our proof of being a Christian is whether or not we care for those in need. And Matthew 25:40 is Christ proclaiming that when we care for those in need, we are actually caring for Christ.

That is the whole gospel.

My challenge to you is to ask yourself daily, "what can I do to serve and obey Christ?" and "I want to be open to Your will, not mine." You'd be surprised at the opportunities to love and serve that will arise when you become open to Him. I've been surprised at the encounters and opportunities I've had.


"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" Jeremiah 22:16

URGENT NEED

Have you ever told yourself, "I'm only one person. How can I make a difference?" or "How will my voice ever be heard?" I told myself that TODAY. Silly, silly, silly. How else do revolutions start?!? One person has an amazing (or terrible) idea and others jump on board. Today I was forwarded an email that absolutely crushed my heart and made me want to spring into action.

But I'm only one person, right?

But....I know at least 100 people. And each of those people know another 100 or so people. And those people know another 100 and so on. Eventually this could be national news and that one person DOES, in fact, have a voice that can be heard!

Now on to this email....

Some of my family members attend First Baptist Maypearl, a church that supports a missionary named Jacques who lives and works in Haiti. He sent an urgent email to his supporters on Sunday expressing his concern for his safety, the safety of the children at his orphanage, the Bible school and sewing school ministries he runs. As some of you may or may not know, Haiti is an extremely corrupt country and has been for quite some time. The government has been fairly quiet since most of the aid from the earthquake left the country, or so I thought.

According to Jacques, counterfeit land title people, lawyers and thugs supposedly sent by the government are coming to his town demanding a ransom for their land or else they will be forcibly evacuated. Jacques has authentic titles showing his ownership of the land, but the these people don't care! They have made multiple threats saying if he doesn't pay them, then he and the children will be evicted. Jacques has reached out to the Haitian president's family and they have offered no help and actually expect him to negotiate with the thugs.

These thugs have already demolished part of the land and construction that Jacques has purchased to continue building onto the ministries. They have told Jacques they will be back later this week to kick everyone out of the orphanage unless Jacques complies with their demands. Jacques said he felt like he was bothering others by asking for help in this trying time, but my heart can't fathom what would happen to him and these children if they are evicted.

According to a report released last week, Haiti ranks second in the amount of slaves per population. SECOND!!  Most of these slaves are children. My heart breaks at the thought of almost 100 orphans being evicted from the orphanage Jacques runs. I don't want to think about this possibility, but....

So, what can we do? This corruption started with one man named "Papa Doc" many, many years ago. If one person can cause all this evil and somehow gain supporters, then one person can gain more supporters to bring an end to this evil and protect Jacques, the orphans and his city.

First, let's cover Jacques and the orphans under his care with prayers. This has got to be the darkest hour of the life the Lord has called him to.

Second: Post this to your Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Send this information to your prayer partners, friends and family. Talk about it with anyone you can.

Third: Write or call someone who has power to put pressure on the government. Know a city, state or national official? Call them and please share their information in the comments.

This needs to be national news!! How can a "democratic" government do this to its people? I personally love this country and all of its problems, but this is scary and ridiculous. It's time for us to use our voice to put an end to violence, slavery and corruption!!

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless..." Isaiah 1:17


"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?"

Isaiah 58:6

August was CRAZY!

Warning: This post is about to get REALLY REAL!

On August 2nd I went to a Chinese food restaurant and got a fortune that read, "New and rewarding opportunities will soon develop for you." Little did I know that the month of August would change my life and be a roller coaster ride, full of lots of peaks and valleys.

August 1: Chris and I are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. This man is a wonderful blessing in my life. I couldn't ask for a more Godly man to take on life with. He treats me like a queen, makes me laugh and he LOVES Jesus! What more could I ask for? He was also there for me when I fell into my first valley.

August 8: I suddenly lost my job at Bosworth Steel. Although I had been praying for a new job for months, I wanted to have another job before leaving this one, but I guess God had other plans. I was too comfortable there and He slammed that door in my face. My family and Chris were calm and actually laughed when I shared the news that I lost my job. Chris came over to my house that night armed with his Bible. He came in, didn't say a word or touch me, walked over to my bed and read Scripture to me. The Lord has such bigger plans for my life and I was letting too many things get in the way of pursuing what He wanted. Now I had the opportunity to focus on what He wanted, not my comfortable "American dream." For the first few days, I was actually pretty calm as I leaned on my family, friends and dug into the Word. Then I got scared, angry and started to question. What was I supposed to do about my bills? Why would God leave me with no income? What was I supposed to do now? After college, it took me over a year to find a job and during that time I fell into depression. It didn't take long for me to start slipping back into that. There were days where I was happy and could easily hide my inner emotions, and other days where I wanted to stay in my room, be in my pj's, cried and didn't want to do anything. Thankfully two of my best friends, Kate and Cynthia, knew about this and checked on me frequently. Thank you ladies! I love you both SO much!! Your encouragement during this month has helped keep me sane. :)

During the days when everyone else was working or in class, I'll be honest, I struggled with my emotions. Not only was I upset about not having a job, but I was also questioning my future. Then I got this in the mail:

My heart absolutely longs to be in Haiti. I miss my friends there. I miss the hot Haitian sun, the pesky red dirt, and the refreshing afternoon showers. I miss Jeniflo. And sweet Bidjins. And there are so many questions I want to ask Seth, but can't. What better reminder could I ask for than for God to send me this charm on the day when I was questioning the most? I had recently started online classes for my teaching certificate and was also teaching myself Creole. Was this why I lost my job? Was it because I was losing focus on my calling?

August 10-11: One of the things that makes me happiest is serving Waco and I had the chance to provide food to over 300 people with Feed America and the Austin Food Bank. Afterward, I went to the Baylor campus, laid on my favorite swing and meditated in Hebrews. It was so nice just to listen to the stillness of an empty campus and hear only the bells from Pat Neff and squirrels running through the grass. I also had the chance to relax at Chris's farm, shoot guns and watch movies in the country. I hardly had any phone reception there and it was great!

August 16-18: Chris had minor surgery on the 16th. It was minor, but that still doesn't keep me from worrying. Over the weekend I was his nurse and couldn't leave him alone, per doctors order.  To keep me from getting upset or nervous, he cracked jokes and made faces. Everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about. After coming off from the drugs, this sweet man surprised me. My former apartment said I still owed the final utility bill and I did not have the money to pay for it. Chris lied to me and paid the bill while I stepped outside to supposedly get his phone out of the car. Sneaky, but such a blessing! This weekend was a blessing and also sometimes hard. We went through something in the first weeks of our relationship that many couples don't go through until much later. Over 48 straight hours together, you get to know A LOT about someone haha

August 19: My best friend, Kate, moved to New Jersey. We have been friends since rooming together my sophomore year at Baylor. I love this girl so much and her friendship has been such a blessing. We have so many memories together at Baylor, Wendy's, dancing, Trojan's, girl's nights, Chuy's and the list goes on. I'm going to miss hanging out with her in Dallas, but am so happy for the new chapter she's beginning in New Jersey.

August 28: A day after my interview, I was offered a job at First Baptist Dallas. Over the past few months, I felt the desire to get into the ministry and feel this is the perfect way to get my foot in the door. I'm so excited to see how God uses me in this new role! I prayed that I would have a job by September 1 and can't think of a better place to work and start this new phase in my professional life.

August 29: I received an email in the early morning asking me to meet at Watermark Church at 1 for a meeting. A few weeks earlier, I had signed up to write for The Porch, but never heard back from anyone. At this meeting I learned that someone had read my blog/writing and said I was gifted. Instead of writing for The Porch, I will be on a team of other people using their gifts and writing for Watermark!! Their ideas of how to reach people using a blog is brilliant and I can't wait to be a part of it.

Needless to say, the month of August has been rough on my emotions, heart and relationship with God. There were days where I seriously questioned Him and got angry. If you know me, you know I'm fiercely independent and it's hard to ask for help, even from the one person I need most. In the three weeks where I was unemployed, I had to learn to trust Him and know that He knows what's best for me and has a bigger and better plan than I could ever imagine on my own. It was also nice to see His handiwork when I went to California for a long weekend. Marveling at the beautiful waves as they crashed on the sand made me realize that if He crafted the oceans and every grain of sand, then He can easily mold and use me.

I'm so ready for August to be over and to start my new job and new life September 3. I'm continuing to seek God's plan for my life and anxiously wait to see what's in store for the rest of the year and 2014. As I said in a previous post, the plan is still for me to live in Haiti for a few weeks next year. I will also continue my teaching certification and pray for more opportunities for me to serve in Dallas and the U.S.

"Why do you do it?"

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question, I'd be a millionaire. "Why do you do it?" 'It' is referring to service, specifically at Dallas LIFE homeless shelter. The most recent time I was asked this question was Wednesday night.

As I sat on the couch with my head held low and cupped in my hands in frustration, the guy I've been dating asked the million-dollar question. "If you feel like this, then why do you do it?" I pushed my hair back, leaned up, looked into his eyes and gave him a small smile. "Because I love them and we need each other!"

'Them' is referring to the precious kids I've gotten to know during the month of July in the reading program. As much as I love them, they also drive me crazy at times! Haha One of these times was Wednesday night. For the first time since beginning to volunteer there in October 2012, I lost my cool. After being bitten, slapped on the arm and not listened to, I lined up every child and marched them down to the security office. Despite my frustration, my heart broke as they looked up at me with sad and confused eyes. All but three got in trouble and as I turned my back and left the office, I knew they'd see me differently.

But I love them! Jesus loves them! And we all need reprimanding and grace.

Walking out of Dallas LIFE that night was one of the hardest and most upsetting things I've had to do. I was mad, frustrated, hurt and sad, all at the same time. Is this how God feels when he reprimands us? We're His children and don't always listen to Him. We fight Him on a daily basis and ignore His words and advice, which leads us to trouble and consequences. When we are caught up in the trouble we brought on ourselves, we often question God and it has to break His heart. But he shows grace. Abounding, wonderful grace. He picks us up and comes back for us. No matter what we do, how much we fight or push back, He will never leave us.

I am in NO WAY comparing myself to God, but I am going to show just a sliver of the grace that He gives. The head of security was concerned I may not come back, but nothing these kids do will keep me from coming back to Dallas LIFE. Sure, I was frustrated and wanted to pull my hair out, but those kids have my heart. What I have with them far outweighs one bad night and I'm pretty sure I need them more than they need me.

So why do I do it? Making bean bag forts is fun. You're never too old to color, watch Disney movies or build with Lego's. Singing Beyonce songs at the top of your lungs in the library is more fun than reading (shhh!). Being in a room full of giggles and squeals makes my heart smile. Helping a child learn to read is a great reward. Hugs from little people are the best!

Because the same Jesus who died for my sins is the same Jesus who died for their sins and they need to know that. If I don't tell them, then who will? I can't imagine growing up in a homeless shelter and feeling sad and hopeless at times. My desire is to provide them an escape and to teach them about the love, grace and hope they have in Christ. THAT is why I do it!!

The Power of One

One is the loneliest number? But what if "one" could turn your world upside down and change your life?

One smile: It's a sweltering afternoon in Ferrier, Haiti and a small girl in a purple crushed velvet dress wanders into the guest house. Her hair is full of blue bows; part of her school uniform from earlier in the day. Her thin body wanders over to where our group is meeting and takes a seat on the bench next to me. I look over and she looks back up at me and gives the most beautiful smile. Her white teeth stand out against her dark skin as she shyly says hello. Jeniflo. Her smile melted my heart and from that moment on, she was my buddy for the remainder of the trip. I visited her during recess at school and afternoons were full of talking, learning Creole, singing and drawing on the front porch. One smile was all it took.

One week: It's only 2% of a year, but it can affect the other 98%. One week was all it took to confirm my love. One week of dirt roads, cold showers, laughter, the cutest children, solar panels, extremely hot weather, water pumps, tears, worshiping, giant bugs, riding all forms of transportation (motorcycle, walking, bed of a pickup, horse, airplane and hitchhiking), different foods, spotty electricity, new friendships and serving. One week of living in Ferrier stole my heart forever.

One person: A servant's heart that brought the Kingdom to earth. Gave up his comfortable life in America to serve "the least of these" in Ferrier. An inspiring heart and willingness to serve every single day, despite how he was feeling. His dry, witty and sarcastic humor provided laughs throughout the entire trip. Absolutely losing it in a fit of tears from laughter at lunch in Turks and laughing at me as I was escorted away for more security checks at the airport. Seth Dorrell. A life that ended too soon, but ONE that impacted MANY. One person can change the world and his life is proof.

One month: One month back in the United States. Crazy how fast time flies!! And a lot has changed. The little things I never gave a second thought to before are now blessings. Clean water from the sink to brush my teeth. Air conditioning to keep me cool. Hundreds of options for food. Things I think are necessities, but are actually luxuries for most of the world. One month later and life is uncomfortable in the U.S. Some people say this feeling and emotions will eventually wear off, but I hope it doesn't. God broke my heart and I fell in love with the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Which brings me to a big announcement:

Upon arrival at DFW, my mother immediately knew I was different. "God told you you were supposed to be in Haiti, didn't He?" She was, and is, SO right! Last week I started the process of becoming a full-time missionary. I don't know what the time table looks like for this, but I have signed up for a TESOL class to get started. This would certify me to teach English as a second/optional language overseas. I also had a lunch meeting with some friends who are home on furlough and they gave me wonderful advice and information. While in Haiti, God revealed I could use my passion for empowering women and providing clean water. I am in the process of researching agencies who focus on these issues while spreading the Gospel. Please be in prayer that God would guide me in selecting an agency/mission board, provide the financial means for this new life, give me patience for the process and for my family. Thankfully my immediate family is very supportive of this!!

One smile, one week, one person, one month and one decision changed my life. But one person made this all happen: Jesus Christ. He began molding my heart for this years ago and now it's coming to fruition. While this is an exciting time, I'll be honest, it's also very scary. A lot of things will change. I'll have to give up things I never thought I could. My life will be radically different, but I'm so ready to see what God has planned. Thanks for reading and I hope you will be my prayer warriors and support system through this process! :)